move along.
04 April 2011 2:21:00 am
hopefully, i can bring along with me these 4 years of memories. can i ?i felt so lost standing there after the performance. the feeling was so weird. after so many things that have happened, now i will always ask myself, am i being oversensitive? maybe i shld just overlook such issues or whatever I am feeling inside, cauz they are just small matters. I rmb every year, we will go around taking pics with everyone. we will do it tgt. am i too sticky for you? mayb. but i guess dats the way i am. i hold on tightly to the frens i treasure, cauz i dun eva wanna lose em. well of cauz, i wun be like super glue. but afta noe-ing how u view frenship, i just hope i wun eva suffocate you again. but you know, you are so impt to me that i can get affected by things which may seem trivial to u but affect me so easily. i noe, it becomes a burden to u when i get affected. or it was a burden to u, but i noe u dun wan it to weigh u down too. so i guess u had no choice but to keep that slight distance from me at times. after that e-mail last year, i'm constantly in fear if i wld eva commit those "errors" i once did. its like sth i consciously tink bout. sometimes, i reali can't read ur mind. idk what ur tinking, idk wads goin on, idk am i being oversensitive. then again at times, my instincts are right, when my "prophecy" IS reality, it really hurts.
i have been made to realise that i always get caught up with my own emotions, shackling and enslaving myself to my own emotions.. and i know i need to get myself out of it, cauz it has been affecting me so much and i've had enough and I don't want to feel so upset over trivial matters (though it may be impt to me).
what am i suppose to do when i can't help but think that sth is wrong or weird? how am i suppose to react? why is it happening if sth is reali wrong? mayb it just boils down to how we view frenship again. does it?
but I know whatever that happens, i need to move along with life and not keep harping on the present and past. that doesn't mean i let go of you as a fren. i will never do that, cauz u're the most impt fren to me here. the most impt eva. idk if u noe how impt u are to me, but ur lil actions etc affect me a lot (but that's w/o any intention of putting undue stress on u or what so ever). maybe this is happening so that I can be less dependent on u and stand up on my own feet. even in my last year of uni, i'm still learning how to be more independent. haha, what a joke. yes, tho it still really hurts me, but i will be strong and move along, strong in God's strength. i will pray for His empowerment and courage to look forward. i will still always be that fren for you, a listening ear at ANY time and i mean it. cauz i noe u so well, u're so fragile inside but have such a strong facade.
i just want to stop crying or getting affected over such matters which are seen as trivial. i want to be happy and hope that you can be happy too. i know sometimes it is exhausting and a burden to be around me. i never intended for that cauz I act/react this way towards my other frens. i will emerge stronger from this. things can only get better ((: you have been awesome and will still be awesome to me.
<3
