planning the great escape.kidding!
19 April 2010 10:40:00 pm
surrendering it all.i bot sushi for moi moi ytd. tho a simple gesture of care for her, it makes me happy. cauz when i tink of her smile and that lil happiness in her, i feel happy too. there's too much unhappiness, grief and animosity manifesting in her that i tink that wadeva i can do to make her happy, i will try. dats wad she reali needs now. of cauz, i will still lose my patience n cool at times, i am human after all.
Its been some time since my baptism at St. Andrew's Cathedral. I feel renewed & restored by God, for all the wonderful things He has done in my life. Of cauz, not forgetting my sins along with the need for repentance. I chose Diane as my Christian/Baptism name and this name will remind me of God's goodness to me and my new life as a baptised Christian. It will be different, I will feel different and He will be
living in me. an unexplainable feeling i guess. Sometimes, I would feel as though I want to resist Him cauz I can feel the change in me, in my life where He is in control and I can uplift everything into His hands with greater ease. A lot of my decisions and thoughts always revert back to Him, its a rather weird thing as it was never like that in the past. I would take control of the situation. But my circumstances and all the complicated issues now is God's test for me to whether I can surrender it all to Him and for once, stop being so worried.
After monday's baptism follow up session with Ivy, I felt that my mind & heart was at peace. Its so wonderful how each lesson is applicable to the situation I'm stuck in. I finally feel at peace after all the recent issues that I've been bottling up ever so tightly. Being able to let go seems so good. I know I have done what I can, done the best I could already and made the right decision to place my walk with God as my priority now. Cauz, if we don't get right with God, how can other things in our life fall in place? I'm gonna let Him take the wheel. And, I have already done so.
but of cauz, its not easy to surrender ALL to Him straight away even when ur mouth proclaims so. It's not easy plus I won't exactly say I'm very good at that as I admit, I am pretty weak at times, but I'm definitely much stronger now. it takes time to build up that strength to uplift all your cares and woes to him easily and i know it will get easier subsequently.
actually there are a lot of issues i want to address with some people. but i'm not gonna tink too much since i've already decided to let it go and overlook it ((: it has been burdening me so much that it affects me lika sharp knife slowly poking into my flesh. With dat burden weighing down upon my shoulders and with lotsa stuff in my family to attend to, i need to stay focus. i need prayer. especially for moi moi.
well, sth happifying. i'm going to FULLERTON 2mr for company lunch. its secretarial week and all the ladies are invited to lunch as a form of appreciation ((: :D and who said IA was dreadful? He blessed me with a good company and fabulous superiors ((: I can't be more than thankful.
woman.
at cn yang annual dinner with the fab.
i'm gonna meet my lovely CBE cn yang peeps on thur 4 din din at some porridge place? ((: and there's driving 2mr. HOORAY. and YAM at church on friday. talk at PJC on saturday, its higher education day. gotta gif a presentation on the cn yang scholarship thingy and life in NTU. zzz. hope i don't get the jitters!
sleeping time. gooder nite.
i'm gone.
no worries. no frustrations. ironman! haha, random. i'm so gonna watch ironman!
route to discipleship.
11 April 2010 11:11:00 pm
renewed, restored.i got baptised on the 3rd April 2010. It marked my "spiritual birthday" so to speak, the great step of faith i took to testify my faith in God to my friends and family.
this is my testimony at the baptism service held at St. Andrew's Cathedral. well, here goes..
Receiving Christ is to welcome Jesus to enter into our lives as our Lord and Saviour. It is also to ask for His forgiveness as a sinner. I prayed to receive Christ in Pri 5 and that was the same year my mom’s friend introduced us to Paya Lebar Methodist Church. I attended Sunday school and cell group regularly and served as a back-up singer in the youth worship ministry. During those days, I never saw the need to get baptized as I never felt that I reached a stage of spiritual maturity. I started to skip church when I entered JC. As youth service was moved to Saturday nights, I chose to go out with my JC friends instead. My social life was put on top priority and God was number 2. Eventually, I left the youth service in year 2005.
Despite my lack of spiritual piety, I must say God is great. He wanted me to know that no matter how lukewarm I was towards Him, He is still the Almighty Father whom will never forsake us. He blessed me with good A’level grades and a scholarship in NTU. Even when I felt that I had messed up my scholarship interview and came out of the room in tears, He calmed my heart and told me everything would be alright. True enough, He answered my prayer and provided during the time when my family was in financial need. Matthew 7:7-8 says 7"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. He will never shortchange us. This taught me to be patient when seeking the Lord for help. God will give you your due reward when He feels it’s the right time. It may not be immediate but He has His own perfect timing for us.
Some may think that this would be the turning point in my life where I realize how powerful God is and that I should have sole dependence on Him. However, I continued with my old habits of attending church off and on as I would hang out with my friends into the wee hours the previous night. During my first two years in NTU, my spiritual walk with God stood stagnant. I felt empty and constantly hungered for His spiritual food. This was only until last June, where my NTU course mate Steven invited me to attend his church service, which is where I am today. It was a very random invitation out of nowhere, but reflecting on whatever that has happened, the timing was perfect.
I went through a break-up last August and it dragged till November, eating into the exam period. However, God came in just before the emotional rollercoaster ride and sat beside me throughout. He was my pillar of strength during that difficult period and sent friends such as Ade, Steven, Angeline, Paul, Yiling, Yu Qi and Mee Cheng to tide me through. Even in times where I saw myself in tears while studying, I constantly prayed and drew strength from Him. He comforted me by calmly telling me to leave everything to Him, it will be fine. After all, it is said in 1 Peter 5:7 to “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
It’s so miraculous that the Lord can work things out so beautifully for us and we may not realize it at that point of time what is His purpose for arranging such events in our lives. Just like how he led me to WAC, where I had initial doubts on what He was planning for me. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy settling down in a new church when everyone had already formed their own cliques. Fear of not having a sense of belonging in a church struck me frequently. It was a tough struggle in the beginning, finding my foothold in a new environment. So many insecurities and what ifs clouded my mind. I prayed so fervently for God to show me if this was the church He meant for me. I did not want to fall back into the pits of darkness again, leading a life where God breezed in and out. I wanted Him to be the center of my life once again because we cannot live each day without God taking charge. There were so many times I wanted to give up because I felt the route to finding Him again would be too tough to overcome.
By God’s grace, I started attending Young Adult Ministry (also known as YAM) in January and started to know more people in church. God sent so many angels and instruments to motivate and encourage me. I thank God for placing these friends in my life to act as instruments to pull me back to Him. God also sent so many people from YAM to touch my heart with their warmth and love. Though it’s only a short period of time since I’ve got to know the YAMmies, they are so passionate about spreading the word of God that they are willing to make the effort to be part of my life. God works in such a wonderful way. He gave me strength throughout this period since July to assimilate myself in WAC, to grow spiritually at baby steps. I am truly humbled by the power of God as He himself led me back to Him. This episode taught me to have patience, to wait upon the Lord and not run ahead of His plans for me.
As to how I came to the decision to get baptized, I felt the call one day when they announced the opening of a new intake for baptism class. I felt that I was ready to take this bold step of faith to formally accept God into my life and begin my route to discipleship. I felt that since God blessed me with so many marvelous gifts, I ought to do His work. After all, that is His purpose for us. I took another step where I decided to serve in the upcoming GB mission trip. After all I was a GB girl in secondary school and count it as a blessing from God to enjoy that 4 years in there under the leadership of the officers and captain. It has impressed upon me that God’s purpose for me is to make a difference in other people’s lives as He empowered me to do so. God blessed us with so many different strengths and weaknesses and we should embrace it fully.
With God’s guidance, I also learnt to be more understanding towards my family members especially my Dad and my younger sister Moi Moi. I am sure, without God’s steady guidance, I will not be able to exercise that patience and love towards them. I thank God for who I am today and can’t be more than grateful that He led me back into His kingdom, just like how the shepherd leads his sheep back to the stable. I am standing here today to testify my faith for God because He deserves all glory and honour for the works He has done in my life. He transformed me and I am so thankful for his gracious love towards me. I am really excited as I begin my path towards experiencing God after today. Thank you Lord for all that you have done in my life. For those of your who haven’t experienced God, I hope you will get to experience Him because He can work so many miracles in your life , beyond your imagination, just like how he did in mine. Praise the Lord for His greatness. Amen.
awesome is the word I use to describe Him.
