what ifs, what not, would you?
01 November 2009 4:53:00 pm
in the end, its still so painful.we all dream of happy endings. we all dream of fairy tales. we all dream of great dreams. no one wants a painful ending. but somehow, we will go thru' it if not how are we gonna overcome greater hurdles in life?
i have no idea if we/I have made the right decision. thinking back, yeah, maybe i regret, but either ways, would it have been better? giving the 2nd chance for us to try again, guess i couldn't even give you a concrete yes or no. being paranoid due to the past, i couldn't give my all, prioritized other things, but still needed assurance from you. you tried, but didn't get what you need and decided this would be the best for us. i agreed as i didn't think there was any other option, i couldn't promise or commit anyway..my feelings kept fluctuating, i don't know why..i kept holding back my emotions, kept holding back all the sweet-nothings that i wanted to say to you in order to protect myself from being hurt again. i was afraid that i would be saying things i didn't mean. freak the paranoia. you didn't get the needed assurance from me but at the same time i was hoping for more assurance & effort from you. slowly, i pulled myself away, withdrew myself. just within one week, everything changed. i know it hasn't been easy for you. i guess you were prepared for it too. i don't know what the future holds. it hurts that you're being firm bout this, since i'm the softy kind. but it will definitely help us to move on from here. i never thought i would be that affected by this. this seriously sucks. exams in 2+weeks ARGH. its not helping.
what if i can't? what if i don't have the strength to?
happy belated b'day, ilu.
