Daughter to father, daughter to father.
19 February 2006 9:37:00 am
Daughter to father, daughter to father .
juz quarrelled wit my dad n grandfather.2 against 1.theres so much angst in me now.i'm fuming.i can feel my veins rushin wit red HOT blood.rushin to my brain.my fist trembles in anger n sadness.n i tot our fist wld onli tremble in fear.i clench it so tightly n press it against the table,ready to strike anitime if i can't take it,animore.am i your disappointment or did you made me your disappointment.is it right 2 sae ur disappointed me too?
respect
u tok bout respect. grandpa shouted in some freakin canto language at me n said dat none of his children(which is includin my dad) eva shouted baq @ him n neva showed him disrespect.his words shot out like super piercing daggers.yes,straight at my heart.so u juz scold me in ur freakin canto so i wldn't understan ur chim canto?call me the naughtiest.say dat i dun haf respect 4 my dad.wad bout YOU? do u respect ur own wife now,my grandma?!?teachin ur children 2 respect means respectin ur wife too RIGHT? grandma's in a senile state now of senile dementia or Alzheimer dementia n you use ur stupid filty hand to hit/slap her on her head n face juz cauz she makes so much noise everydae?? do u tink she wants to suffer e` fate of senile dementia?she din bring it upon herself.my father did.yes,senile dementia can't be halted or prevented.but early detection can slow down the process of a person becomin more n more senile.mayb if you, DAD took big sis' advice earlier to bring her 4 a check up/early detection years ago,her memory wun b so bad now,her senile dementia wldn't haf sped up like an accelerator.n do YOU stop ur own father from hittin his own wife ALL the time? NO.u dare me not to sae dat u dun stop grandpa from hittin grandma?evrytime grandma cries n screams out in pain,wad do i do?i shout @ him 2 stop.is respect a priority now?NO, its NOT.u're hurtin my grandma.tho i feel so helpless cauz its not like grandpa wil stop hittin grandma immediately,i wanna do my part as her grand daughter n protect her from filty things.so DAD,u see now,respect isn't a priority.and i tot grandpa taught u 2 respect ppl,why isn't grandpa practising wad he preach?am i suppose 2 follow by "example"? wad kind of "example" is dis? if i follow his kind of "respect",it will lead me 2 self-destruction.
character
DAD,and u tok bout my character n how i dun show respect to u n grandpa.if u realise,i dun shout @ mom animore.why?mom doesn't call me stupid idiotic names u use on me.mom toks 2 me nicely n when i do things wrongly,does mom use her emotions 2 overcome e situation n vent her frustration on me to tell me i'm wrong?NO,she doesn't,YOU do.she doesn't tink i'm a freakin idiot juz cauz i made a mistake.she doesn't put me down or be-little me when i make mistakes.wad do u alwaes call me? stupid,idiot,bloody idiot,bloody hell...e list goes on.e most vivid thing i rmb is how u threatened to use a bamboo pole 2whack me.i wil neva 4get dat.i dunno who's now in the position 2forgive. but i wil neva forgive u,cauz u caused me too much hurt.u r so demeanin 2wards me.but i reject dat.i'm not gonna fall so easily.i'm not gonna make e same mistakes u made in life.dat is to haf a bad relationship wit ur children. wad eva i turn out to be reflects on you.dat is,if i show disrrespect,mayb u're partly at fault.but i dun wanna b some1 who reflects ur character,neva.yes,now i can differentiate right from wrong.but do u noe grandpa was e` one dat taught us 2 shout @ ppl,cauz he shouted at us evrydae when we were juz small lil kids.when young,we dunno wad's right or wrong,we juz pick up.pick up good n bad habits unknowingly.we're innocent.n u as a FATHER,u were suppose 2 teach us,n stop HIM from bein a bad influence on us.but u din..u forgot dat huh.grandpa had an abusive behaviour towards us too,me especially.causing a bloody wound on me,i tink u 4got bout dat.mayb u juz neva cared.isn't it inevitable dat we'll pick it up?but r we dat bad now?am i not makin u proud?did i do v badly in my studies?in sec sch,i topped my sec3 class durin mid yr.i wenta 2nd best class in sec2.i qualified for four sub class in jc n i'm stil doin 4sub now.i neva scored e` last.does dat make u proud?haf u eva praised me?NO.u neva,u onli focused on my faults n how i displease u.but i stil produce results.mayb e results r juz for mom huh.sometimes its as tho u dun exist cauz its as tho u're outa my life.u got no involvement in it.u alwaes sae i provoke u.but do u do e same unto me?do wad u want others to do unto you.wld it b right if i sae a father provoke her daughter too?u noe u haf a way 2 irritate me wit ur stupid assholefied words.u juz dig dat,all e time.u carry on like no one's business.
DAD,sometimes,i juz wish we cld be normal.tok like i was ur gd daughter.sometimes we are act normal. but u juz hafta start e` viscious cycle by makin a big fuss outa my small mistakes.its my fault @ times when i over react n shout baq @ u when u din.but haf u eva realise dat wadeva u've done from e past alr amounted to sth so much it can't be cleared.i react so violently 2wards u cauz i perceive u're gona sae sth demeanin n hurtin 2 me,so i defend myself.its reached a pt of no return,cauz u juz do it over n over again till u can't turn baq time.so when u try 2 b nice sometimes,i wil not take it in n wil juz assume u're bein an asshole.and i noe it hurts when i sae those hurtin words to u too,but dun act strong.u're juz puttin up a strong front,a masquerade, cauz u dun wana b a pussy.but i'm ur daughter,if u break down,i'm not gonna laugh at u.i dunno why do we kp hurtin each other.mayb time wil heal all the wounds we've caused on each other,cauz our quarrellin wil neva stop till e dae i move out of dis house..
u made me cry the most.
juz some song i tot of.not much link tho.
Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father)
by Lindsay Lohan
I wait for the postman to bring me a letter
I wait for the good Lord to make me feel better
And I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders
Family in crisis that only grows older
Why'd you have to go
Why'd you have to go
Why'd you have to go
Daughter to father, daughter to father
I am broken but I am hoping
Daughter to father, daughter to father
I am crying, a part of me is dying and
These are, these are
The confessions of a broken heart
I wear all your old clothes, the old polo sweater
I dream of another you the one who would never
never Leave me alone to pick up the pieces
A daddy to hold me, that’s what I needed
So why'd you have to go
Why'd you have to go
Why'd you have to go
Daughter to father, daughter to father
I don’t know you, but I still want to
Daughter to father, daughter to father
Tell me the truth, did you ever love me
Cause these are, these are
The confessions of a broken heart
Of a broken heart
I love you, I love you
I love you,I,
I love you,
Daughter to father
Daughter to father
I dont know you
But I still want to
Daughter to father
Daughter to father
Tell me the truth
Did you ever love me
Did you ever love me
These are... the confessions of a broken heart
Ohhhh... yeah
And I waited for the postman to bring me a letter
[soft tears]
