04 April 2011 2:21:00 am
hopefully, i can bring along with me these 4 years of memories. can i ?
i felt so lost standing there after the performance. the feeling was so weird. after so many things that have happened, now i will always ask myself, am i being oversensitive? maybe i shld just overlook such issues or whatever I am feeling inside, cauz they are just small matters. I rmb every year, we will go around taking pics with everyone. we will do it tgt. am i too sticky for you? mayb. but i guess dats the way i am. i hold on tightly to the frens i treasure, cauz i dun eva wanna lose em. well of cauz, i wun be like super glue. but afta noe-ing how u view frenship, i just hope i wun eva suffocate you again. but you know, you are so impt to me that i can get affected by things which may seem trivial to u but affect me so easily. i noe, it becomes a burden to u when i get affected. or it was a burden to u, but i noe u dun wan it to weigh u down too. so i guess u had no choice but to keep that slight distance from me at times. after that e-mail last year, i'm constantly in fear if i wld eva commit those "errors" i once did. its like sth i consciously tink bout. sometimes, i reali can't read ur mind. idk what ur tinking, idk wads goin on, idk am i being oversensitive. then again at times, my instincts are right, when my "prophecy" IS reality, it really hurts.
i have been made to realise that i always get caught up with my own emotions, shackling and enslaving myself to my own emotions.. and i know i need to get myself out of it, cauz it has been affecting me so much and i've had enough and I don't want to feel so upset over trivial matters (though it may be impt to me).
what am i suppose to do when i can't help but think that sth is wrong or weird? how am i suppose to react? why is it happening if sth is reali wrong? mayb it just boils down to how we view frenship again. does it?
but I know whatever that happens, i need to move along with life and not keep harping on the present and past. that doesn't mean i let go of you as a fren. i will never do that, cauz u're the most impt fren to me here. the most impt eva. idk if u noe how impt u are to me, but ur lil actions etc affect me a lot (but that's w/o any intention of putting undue stress on u or what so ever). maybe this is happening so that I can be less dependent on u and stand up on my own feet. even in my last year of uni, i'm still learning how to be more independent. haha, what a joke. yes, tho it still really hurts me, but i will be strong and move along, strong in God's strength. i will pray for His empowerment and courage to look forward. i will still always be that fren for you, a listening ear at ANY time and i mean it. cauz i noe u so well, u're so fragile inside but have such a strong facade.
i just want to stop crying or getting affected over such matters which are seen as trivial. i want to be happy and hope that you can be happy too. i know sometimes it is exhausting and a burden to be around me. i never intended for that cauz I act/react this way towards my other frens. i will emerge stronger from this. things can only get better ((: you have been awesome and will still be awesome to me.
who did He die for?
23 March 2011 1:38:00 pm
Jesus didn't die for just YOU.
came across this in last sunday's sermon bulletin. tot it wld be quite applicable to the context of new generation Christian who bask the ambience of God's grace, forgetting the real reason why He sent Jesus down for (not just to die for our sins but to bridge that gap between God & us). We focus too much on receiving our (rightful) blessings from God that we forget to glorify His name and repent of our sins. This molds us into self-centered Christians.
-We live in a church culture that has a dangerous tendency to disconnect the grace of God from the glory of God. Our hearts resonate with the idea of enjoying God's grace. We bask in sermons, conferences and books that exalt a grace centering on us. And while the wonder of grace is worthy of our attention, if that grace is disconnected from its purpose, the sad result is a self-centered Christianity that bypasses the heart of God.
The message of blibical Christianity is not "God loves ME, period" as if we were the ogject of our own faith. The message of blibical Christianity is "God loves me so that I might make Him - His ways, His salvation, His glory, and His greatness - known among all nations." God centers on Himself, even in our salvation. Recalling His words in Ezekiel: He save us, not for our sake, but for the sake of His holy name. We have received salvation so that His name will be proclaimed in all nations God loves us for His sake in the world.
This does not deny the fact God loves us deeply and has a great passion for His people. But God's passion centers on His greatness, His goodness and His glory being known among all peoples. His passion does not center on His people.
God-centered, not self-centered.-
Something that reaffirms the reason why He sent Jesus down to die for our sins. Not just to die for us, but to show the world His awesomeness and grace towards mankind.
Just extracted my WISDOM TOOTH yesterday. I'm kinda in excruciating pain cauz right afta the extraction, I practised singing for cultural night. sigh, overexert! now, I suffering the consequences! ah wells.
I shall post up a pic on my tooth soon. stay tuned. its gonna be gross factor TTM!my greatest fear is that i will just let go.
when you know who really matters.
20 March 2011 2:51:00 pm
post dedicated to all my loved ones and fabulous frens around me. i love you and that's the best i can say to your ((:
i love you my dear adeline yeong mun yan.
wad a pang sai.
i took a shot.
buried deep inside me.
15 March 2011 10:30:00 pm
pretty into the latest korean drama MIDAS. adultery, greed, love, infidelity, love, politics, corruption. you name it.
went for hall 6 production with the coba babies last sat. was pretty nice i say though the theatre was tad too small and squeezy but overall the plot was not bad and the actors acted well ((:
edward super act cute.
my coba babies ((:
on our way to sup sup.
lil tired. very tired. severe lack of sleep. gonna go K with my cn yang ppl 2mr ((:
nite nite ppl.what? how? why? when? who?
02 March 2011 11:18:00 am
i didn't get it though i thought there was glimmer of hope. i just wasn't good nuff. sigh.
all over again. why?!
27 February 2011 12:47:00 am
what am i suppose to do?
please tell me i'm not getting myself into the same situation again. almost exactly one year ago, sth like dis happened. i hope it will not happen again. i don't ever want it to jeopardize our friendship. pls tell me whatever i'm doing is right. pls, i need some guidance, i need some ears to listen. ok, i will get myself outa this and make sure i don't get hurt. i think i am too believing and naive. just tell me whatever i'm doing is ok. please?why am i always the one feeling so small, having to curl up lika snail back into its shell?
19 February 2011 2:22:00 pm
sleepless. restless. heart-racing.
insomnia bug has been hitting me badly again. exactly 1 year ago, it hit me real bad that I didn't have proper sleep for 9 days. crying almost every night and still needing to wake up at 6am for my industrial attachment at jurong island, i wonder how i survived that "ordeal". and now it feels like history is repeating itself. and i tink i noe why i'm insomniac, at random periods of the year.
shell SRD interview on 1st march. the final stage, my last shot. this 8 hour long interview with case study, group work and a presentation will be mind-shagging and cells burning. i just need that confidence and miracle from God. if that's where He wants to place me, it will be given unto me((: pray pray pray. gettin' a lil sian with this job application thingy hehs. feeling a lil directionless & disconnected. i'm casting my net so wide but i don't even know what i reali wanna do exactly. tell me how, tell me where.
ogays cheena new year just passed so i'm just gonna spam with pics to show how :D:D:D my CNY was dis yr!
reunion dins nite with grandpa.ah gong is near 90 yrs old alr! 外公万岁万岁万万岁！
tried my hand on making korean rice cakes for chu er :D success yays.
ah ye watching china got talent on my lappie. so cute :D
dins at gim tim restaurant with uncles n aunties!
全家福 ((: dad's side
we had quite a blast at butter on chu er with the merlion hur hur. free entry for babes! sorry guys, ur hadta pay but ur got ang bao aka drink voucher, well except lide. HAHA.next time, pray to God that you were born a female ((:
HAHA, dis is damn FUNNY!
my lovely babes. 4 years on <3
on our way to supper!
i love my CNY dis year. ji haps i say. hahaha.
workload's piling up. fyp interim deadline plus prep for my Shell presentation, gotta ace it!
needta stop my korean drama craze. 사랑해오빠! <3<3<3
for now, ciao.for you, i will keep those beautiful memories of our past. happy v'day and i am happy that you have already found ur happiness ((: