and when i lose that feeling.i let go.

move along.

2011-04-04T02:21:00.004+08:00

hopefully, i can bring along with me these 4 years of memories. can i ?

i felt so lost standing there after the performance. the feeling was so weird. after so many things that have happened, now i will always ask myself, am i being oversensitive? maybe i shld just overlook such issues or whatever I am feeling inside, cauz they are just small matters. I rmb every year, we will go around taking pics with everyone. we will do it tgt. am i too sticky for you? mayb. but i guess dats the way i am. i hold on tightly to the frens i treasure, cauz i dun eva wanna lose em. well of cauz, i wun be like super glue. but afta noe-ing how u view frenship, i just hope i wun eva suffocate you again. but you know, you are so impt to me that i can get affected by things which may seem trivial to u but affect me so easily. i noe, it becomes a burden to u when i get affected. or it was a burden to u, but i noe u dun wan it to weigh u down too. so i guess u had no choice but to keep that slight distance from me at times. after that e-mail last year, i'm constantly in fear if i wld eva commit those "errors" i once did. its like sth i consciously tink bout. sometimes, i reali can't read ur mind. idk what ur tinking, idk wads goin on, idk am i being oversensitive. then again at times, my instincts are right, when my "prophecy" IS reality, it really hurts.

i have been made to realise that i always get caught up with my own emotions, shackling and enslaving myself to my own emotions.. and i know i need to get myself out of it, cauz it has been affecting me so much and i've had enough and I don't want to feel so upset over trivial matters (though it may be impt to me).
what am i suppose to do when i can't help but think that sth is wrong or weird? how am i suppose to react? why is it happening if sth is reali wrong? mayb it just boils down to how we view frenship again. does it?

but I know whatever that happens, i need to move along with life and not keep harping on the present and past. that doesn't mean i let go of you as a fren. i will never do that, cauz u're the most impt fren to me here. the most impt eva. idk if u noe how impt u are to me, but ur lil actions etc affect me a lot (but that's w/o any intention of putting undue stress on u or what so ever). maybe this is happening so that I can be less dependent on u and stand up on my own feet. even in my last year of uni, i'm still learning how to be more independent. haha, what a joke. yes, tho it still really hurts me, but i will be strong and move along, strong in God's strength. i will pray for His empowerment and courage to look forward. i will still always be that fren for you, a listening ear at ANY time and i mean it. cauz i noe u so well, u're so fragile inside but have such a strong facade.

i just want to stop crying or getting affected over such matters which are seen as trivial. i want to be happy and hope that you can be happy too. i know sometimes it is exhausting and a burden to be around me. i never intended for that cauz I act/react this way towards my other frens. i will emerge stronger from this. things can only get better ((: you have been awesome and will still be awesome to me.

<3

who did He die for?

2011-03-23T13:38:00.002+08:00

Jesus didn't die for just YOU.

came across this in last sunday's sermon bulletin. tot it wld be quite applicable to the context of new generation Christian who bask the ambience of God's grace, forgetting the real reason why He sent Jesus down for (not just to die for our sins but to bridge that gap between God & us). We focus too much on receiving our (rightful) blessings from God that we forget to glorify His name and repent of our sins. This molds us into self-centered Christians.

-We live in a church culture that has a dangerous tendency to disconnect the grace of God from the glory of God. Our hearts resonate with the idea of enjoying God's grace. We bask in sermons, conferences and books that exalt a grace centering on us. And while the wonder of grace is worthy of our attention, if that grace is disconnected from its purpose, the sad result is a self-centered Christianity that bypasses the heart of God.

The message of blibical Christianity is not "God loves ME, period" as if we were the ogject of our own faith. The message of blibical Christianity is "God loves me so that I might make Him - His ways, His salvation, His glory, and His greatness - known among all nations." God centers on Himself, even in our salvation. Recalling His words in Ezekiel: He save us, not for our sake, but for the sake of His holy name. We have received salvation so that His name will be proclaimed in all nations God loves us for His sake in the world.

This does not deny the fact God loves us deeply and has a great passion for His people. But God's passion centers on His greatness, His goodness and His glory being known among all peoples. His passion does not center on His people.

God-centered, not self-centered.-

Something that reaffirms the reason why He sent Jesus down to die for our sins. Not just to die for us, but to show the world His awesomeness and grace towards mankind.

Just extracted my WISDOM TOOTH yesterday. I'm kinda in excruciating pain cauz right afta the extraction, I practised singing for cultural night. sigh, overexert! now, I suffering the consequences! ah wells.

I shall post up a pic on my tooth soon. stay tuned. its gonna be gross factor TTM!

my greatest fear is that i will just let go.

when you know who really matters.

2011-03-20T14:51:00.005+08:00

bestie.

post dedicated to all my loved ones and fabulous frens around me. i love you and that's the best i can say to your ((:

i love you my dear adeline yeong mun yan.

wad a pang sai.

i took a shot.

buried deep inside me.

2011-03-15T22:30:00.003+08:00
midas.

pretty into the latest korean drama MIDAS. adultery, greed, love, infidelity, love, politics, corruption. you name it.

went for hall 6 production with the coba babies last sat. was pretty nice i say though the theatre was tad too small and squeezy but overall the plot was not bad and the actors acted well ((:

edward super act cute.

ball ball.

classmates!

my coba babies ((:

on our way to sup sup.

lil tired. very tired. severe lack of sleep. gonna go K with my cn yang ppl 2mr ((:

nite nite ppl.

what? how? why? when? who?

i'm out.

2011-03-02T11:18:00.001+08:00
goodbye.

i didn't get it though i thought there was glimmer of hope. i just wasn't good nuff. sigh.

)):

all over again. why?!

2011-02-27T00:47:00.004+08:00
what am i suppose to do?

please tell me i'm not getting myself into the same situation again. almost exactly one year ago, sth like dis happened. i hope it will not happen again. i don't ever want it to jeopardize our friendship. pls tell me whatever i'm doing is right. pls, i need some guidance, i need some ears to listen. ok, i will get myself outa this and make sure i don't get hurt. i think i am too believing and naive. just tell me whatever i'm doing is ok. please?

why am i always the one feeling so small, having to curl up lika snail back into its shell?

memory.

2011-02-19T14:22:00.005+08:00
sleepless. restless. heart-racing.

insomnia bug has been hitting me badly again. exactly 1 year ago, it hit me real bad that I didn't have proper sleep for 9 days. crying almost every night and still needing to wake up at 6am for my industrial attachment at jurong island, i wonder how i survived that "ordeal". and now it feels like history is repeating itself. and i tink i noe why i'm insomniac, at random periods of the year.

shell SRD interview on 1st march. the final stage, my last shot. this 8 hour long interview with case study, group work and a presentation will be mind-shagging and cells burning. i just need that confidence and miracle from God. if that's where He wants to place me, it will be given unto me((: pray pray pray. gettin' a lil sian with this job application thingy hehs. feeling a lil directionless & disconnected. i'm casting my net so wide but i don't even know what i reali wanna do exactly. tell me how, tell me where.

ogays cheena new year just passed so i'm just gonna spam with pics to show how :D:D:D my CNY was dis yr!

reunion dins nite with grandpa.ah gong is near 90 yrs old alr! 外公万岁万岁万万岁！

tried my hand on making korean rice cakes for chu er :D success yays.

ah ye watching china got talent on my lappie. so cute :D

dins at gim tim restaurant with uncles n aunties!

全家福 ((: dad's side

we had quite a blast at butter on chu er with the merlion hur hur. free entry for babes! sorry guys, ur hadta pay but ur got ang bao aka drink voucher, well except lide. HAHA.next time, pray to God that you were born a female ((:

HAHA, dis is damn FUNNY!

ehhhh...

my lovely babes. 4 years on <3

hearts ((:

on our way to supper!

i love my CNY dis year. ji haps i say. hahaha.

workload's piling up. fyp interim deadline plus prep for my Shell presentation, gotta ace it!
needta stop my korean drama craze. 사랑해오빠! <3<3<3

for now, ciao.

for you, i will keep those beautiful memories of our past. happy v'day and i am happy that you have already found ur happiness ((:

hello 2011!

2011-01-28T13:39:00.006+08:00
just some pics of 2010's december.

the gang on the see saw. whee hee butt cramp! thank you for being there for all my birthdays!

thank you for organizing my fantabulous 22nd surprise partayyy.

crossing over to my 22nd at the strike of 12 midnight ((:

i love u eve ((:

good bye 2010.

two zero one one.

I haven't blogged for really long and in a blink of an eye, its 2011!!! hello new year, hello! looking forward to a fabbb year ahead.

read this somewhere, thought its pretty interesting since valentine's day is coming up (though chinese new year comes first).

So here are 10 reasons to stay single. all those single ladies/gentlemen out there, don't fret just cauz you haven't found ur other half. at least you know they are somewhere out there and you're waiting for someone awesome/better ((:

10 Reasons to Stay Single:

1. Your career will benefit (go go alpha women!)
2. You can save ka-chinggg $$$ (mainly for the men heh)
3. You can enjoy serenity (sometimes, alone time is beneficial)
4. You'll be worry-free (relationship issues, bleah)
5. You can dress as you like (esp for all the females out there)
6. More time with friends (totally agree)
7. You can avoid parenthood (just delaying it though, i really wanna have two kids!)
8. You can watch whatever you want on tv (no fighting to click to your Premier League or chick flick hot chick)
9. You don't have to hide or quit your habits (yes, just carry on binging & feasting)
10. More time to find the right soul mate

It's definitely nice to have a soul mate out there. A lovey dovey and warm feeling, but well, lets just say, we have more time out there to find the "right" one. yeah, no. 10 is so true. hur hur.

till then, when we all meet our destined soul mate...

brain damaged.

2010-12-09T23:55:00.002+08:00
i walk by faith. each step by faith. to live by faith. i put my trust in you.

EXAMS IN 1 DAY TIME!! iahve holy cow FIVE PAPERS in 1 week. how am i going to do this feat?! hmmm. this is really a faith issue here. do my best n leave the rest to Him. I hope i can stand on His promises and just stay positive throughout this exam period. its not helping that my insomnia is acting up again. my exams end 1 day before my 22nd. oh my goodness. i am not gonna be 21 any longer! ARGH.

hiatus. back on the 19th ((:

peace out.

i do think of you here and then.

Lollipop.

2010-11-13T09:16:00.005+08:00
she's the lovelorn Lolita.

adapted from anonymous. just a nice art piece to share. recommended by gohyiling.

I Want To Be Your Favorite Hello And Your Hardest Goodbye.

/\/ E W . Drawing for Our Hands Will Eventually Destroy Everything Beautiful series.

credits to the owner at this page,
All Rights Reserved: http://www.flickr.com/photos/miniminiature/5168334965/

off to meet the bestie at holland v starbucks. cheesebread & wassant :D

find rest in Him.

2010-11-11T22:38:00.007+08:00
insomniac.

peeekture time!

kong kong's burfffdayyy. he is sooo old, 80+ but still healthily alive. Hope God can grant him a longer life so he can see me get married! :D

me and my sotong ball. awesome. marcus seng managed to buy it at wine bar. awesomeness TTM.

did a small modelling thingy for a christian women networking event. aim was to raise funds for Ashley, a missionary who does mission works in the Amazon. her husband and his team builds water wells for the poor people as the river water is not fit for drinking. she needs to raise $300K before she can head back to the Amazon.

:D

all of the prettayyy gallsss ((:

i look forward to thursday lunches.
i kinda wish we were still as close as last time where we could speak our minds, I know I have one more person I can rant to. But i know its difficult for things to be the same again, after whatever has happened. just like what anonymous said, things change and we got to move on with whatever that has happened, adapt to it, move along.. but i can't help lamenting bout the past.
and now i need to deal with this feelings inside me.
to deal with the surfaced suppressed feelings, what an oxymoron.

why can't i just freaking look forward? in so many situations, i always look back but i can advise my friends around me to forward because the past won't come back for you.

i just need to believe, i will emerge stronger from this. i need to focus all my energy somewhere else.

exams in one month. HOLY COWWWW!!!!

sucks to be me.

in a whirl.

2010-11-08T23:31:00.002+08:00
when someone really loves you, they will never hurt you. And if they do, you can see it in their eyes that it hurts them too.

now, all i need is time to heal this self inflicted gapping wound and i know i am stronger than before.

things don't always go the way you expect it to. when the timing is not right, you miss it. then you would think to yourself, is it God's plan? or was it due to your own actions?

i am confused seriously.

playing over and over again in my head.

2010-10-29T14:03:00.002+08:00
张靓颖: 如果这就是爱情

你做了选择对的错的
我只能承认心是痛的
怀疑你舍得我被伤的那么深
就放声哭了何必再强忍

我没有选择我不再完整
原来最后的吻如此冰冷
你只能默认我要被割舍
眼看着你走了

如果这不是结局如果我还爱你
如果我愿相信你就是唯一
如果你听到这里如果你依然放弃
那这就是爱情我难以抗拒

如果这就是爱情本来就不公平
你不需要讲理我可以离去
如果我成全了你如果我能祝福你
那不是我看清是我证明我爱你

灰色的天空无法猜透
多余的眼泪无法挽留
什么都牵动感觉真的好脆弱
被呵护的人原来不是我

我不要你走我不想放手
却又不能够奢求同情的温柔
你可以自由我愿意承受
把昨天留给我

如果这不是结局如果我还爱你
如果我愿相信你就是唯一
如果你听到这里如果你依然放弃
那这就是爱情我难以抗拒

如果这就是爱情本来就不公平
你不需要讲理我可以离去
如果我成全了你如果我能祝福你
那不是我看清是我证明我爱你

如果这就是爱情本来就不公平
你不需要讲理我可以离去
如果我成全了你如果我能祝福你
那不是我看清是我证明我爱你

Hope to sing this at my testimonial performance. HAHA. zomg. mandarin seriously. hearts dis song lately. weird that its a mandarin song that i like.
my cheena can make it kayyyyy!

aunt agony said its all up to me now.

While I'm Waiting.

2010-10-28T02:08:00.006+08:00
with all i am.

love the song while i'm waiting from the Christian movie "Fireproof"

it talks about the husband who was waiting for his wife to forgive him and to come back to him eventually. and while he was waiting, he served God, asked for forgiveness, refined his character and turned out to be a more Godly man.

That's what I am gonna do. while I am waiting for His plans to unveil, I will wait patiently and continue to serve Him. After all, serving Him is what we have been called to do and it is to develop that intimate relationship with our Abba Father. No one can judge our actions except Him. What He thinks of us is all that matters. As much as I want to chase after things that I want, I need to know that I am moving in the right direction. all i can ask is God to calm my heart and pray for direction an guidance. but sometimes, is there really a right and wrong?

It is learning to simply trust God. Proverbs 3:5-7
Trust God even when we don't really understand the logic or reasons. We are prone to rely on our own understanding when it comes to life's problems and struggles. We value self reliance. Hence, the way of wisdom is to be less and less self-reliant and more God reliant. We need to seek God's understanding and wisdom in every circumstance of life. Learning to simply trust is also the outcome of a deeper intimacy with our Abba Father. We need to believe that He truly cares, can't fail us, is faithful and a compassionate Father.

I am still contemplating on the Mission Trip to Thailand in end December. A mission trip entails commitment till the end and preparation work is not just as easy as ABC. We are there to impact the people and to be a blessing to them. Most importantly, to build up our relationship with God and to understand His plans for us. It will be revealed to us slowly.. I keep having 2nd thoughts bout committing to this mission trip, super unsure..i will sleep on it tonight.

Last week was recess week and well, it was a slack recess week with no work done but i was still bee zee. Driving test (failed, i cried while driving. yes retarded. but the tester gave me the chance to pass, but i gave up on myself too early), extra full day lesson in sch, ikea dinner with my jie meis, interview at Shell house, modeled for a mini fashion show to help raise funds for Ashley who does mission works in the Amazon River, phuture with ade & friends (super fabbbb) and wkend retail therapy! i miss recess weekkkk.

with my ah bu la lang @phuture (((: (sorry i cropped you out RP!)

ilu 姐妹s ((:

i wish you knew.

the helpless like me needs to focus.

2010-10-11T22:02:00.004+08:00
my spoken words for young adult ministry launch.

How God has worked in my life through Young Adult Ministry.

I attended church since primary 5 but back-slided in year 2005. Then, I was invited to Westside Anglican Church by our brother Steven last July and am grateful to God that I’m standing here once again in the house of God, with my faith renewed and with this opportunity to testify how awesome He has been in my life.

The timing for me to join Young Adult Ministry (YAM) is perfect. It was the time when YAM just started and I got to know this bunch of young adults whom I felt very comfortable with and could relate to. It was a very warm, fuzzy and comfy feeling. I was going through a very trying period too. I fell out with a very good friend of mine and got untangled in friendship issues. That friend was closest to me in NTU and I have never felt so hurt by a friend in my life. I was at a loss of whether I should salvage that friendship as it meant a lot to me. By nature, I worry a lot and cannot let go of situations easily. But God impressed upon me Psalm 23, to find rest in Him and lift all my cares onto Him. I did so and now we are on talking terms again ((:
For 15 years of my life as a Christian, I found it difficult to fully commit myself to God. I found it difficult to let go of many worldly desires and activities. My main weaknesses were my social obligations towards my friends and active nightlife. My Friday and Saturday nights were always packed with activities and social gatherings.

I saw my baptism in April this year as a new start to my spiritual life. When I decided to get baptized, I knew I was ready to commit my life fully to God. I truly felt renewed, restored and refreshed. My priorities and focus were different from then on and I felt that added confidence and strength from Him.

I am very grateful to YAM as it has allowed me to grow spiritually with each week’s sharing, cell group sessions and my follow-up sessions with my dear mentor, Ivy. The Lord has great plans for all of us just like how he has called on Huiling, Ivy and Zhong Fa to head the start up of YAM. There are so many people out there whom have yet to be touched by God’s love. Matthew 9:37-38 says, Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” I am still work in progress and I am still learning to let go of worldly possessions. But I know, I want to be God’s harvester.

Just thought I would share this here. My medium for ranting. Have been very frustrated lately by my wandering thoughts, whether irrational or impulsive. I'm still trying to figure myself out.. I think in a too complex manner? HAHA. I really hate myself for being in such a state. But I think I am fine today. I have freaking quiz 2mr. its 15% of 10 AUs. HOLY COW. 1.5 AUs 2mr ya noe? Back to the books ((:

i wish i could read minds. that would be jean grey eh?

IMPULSIVE

2010-10-05T20:55:00.003+08:00
moral of the day. don't act on impulse. i have no idea what i'm doing seriously.

wanna live in a dream.

2010-07-24T10:09:00.004+08:00
wishes that inception could be reality.

gonna meet ade and the rest now ((: just watched inception ytd. its nutsss. its crazy. ade said its like mind f*** (pardon me bout the language here). its mind boggling. killed gazillion of my brain cells. caused severe headache & brain hemorrhage. i was kinda freaked out & disturbed by the movie that I hadta ask ade & marcus to send me home afta dat, sorry peeps, scared. i was pretty afraid to sleep in the night.

i'm gone!

love despicable meeee. hee.

i love the hats. we're so prepared for HALLOWEEN!!!

its not about the direction, its finding your destiny.

cám ơn

2010-07-10T11:14:00.012+08:00
missing ho chi minh city.

have been a long time since I last blogged. I really want to blog about lotsa stuff each time. but I guess each time if I do, I will just blurt out too many sensitive issues that may prick or too many secrets which may leave me in a vulnerable state. Although it's cliche to say this, lotsa stuff have been happening since don't know when. Ever since I started my Industrial Attachment in Infineum (in Jurong Island)and with me moving back home and not staying in hall, everything around me has changed. I kinda felt like my baptism in April was a crossover or turning point in my life. Things feel different. I feel different too (haha, sounds so cheesy).

But anyways, I feel very thankful for the friends in my life. God fills/refills in the empty gaps when they are emptied out. He provided and saw through the times when he knew I was gonna feel lost. This first half of the year allowed me to see His grace & mercy bestowed upon me and allowed me to count my many blessings. He made (well at least I tried to feel so haha) me feel that I have not loss anything because He brought in so many fabulous people in my life and I got to catch up with my sec sch & jc frens more often. I guess He wanted me to know its not the quantity but the quality plus to see joy in all situations (not just focusing on the unhappy moments and low downs) and look beyond most circumstances. seeing the greater good at the end of the picture. which I tried and managed to do so.

It is something which my "old me" couldn't do so. I wouldn't be able to look forward, to the future. I always looked back into the past and harped on old issues...on why this happened, could I have prevented it, I should have... I should have not, lotsa oh nos and oh shits. But along these months, I learnt to look ahead and not look back. well, but I will still learn from the past or from mistakes if so to speak. And I can only thank God for seeing me through this first half of the year, blessing me with an AWESOME attachment company :D, a FAB church camp in malacca and a eggciting holiday to Vietnam with my mom (plus one extra night stay due to flight cancellation HAHA, yeah, I can even laugh about the double flight cancellations).

the young adults @ nonya restaurant. we ate ORGANIC DURIANS :D

we celebrated becky & michael's b'day at the hotel ((:

they could just do a re make of kung fu palm.

taken with my waterproof fujifilm camera won from The Ultimate Cleo Challenge 2009. they are ubber cute and can hold their breath in the water for super longggg!

see celine fly!

flying opening ceremony for our hotel room!

i had a superb time at my first church camp in Westside Anglican Church. It was fabbb with the young adults. we played saboteur on the last day till super late and i love my hotel roomies celine & meech to gazillion bits.

morning view from our hotel room.

it was a touch and go session when I arrived in s'pore from malacca. mom & I had a flight to Vietnam to catch the next morn at 7+am. ZZZ. talk 'bout FATIGUE. tired to bits but was anticipating Vietnam TTM! i totally LOVE ho chi minh city. its a lil more backward as compared to s'pore (DUH), but its nice to go "back in time", seeing things we don't usually see here. the crazy traffic, the cheap shopping, the unhygienic road side stalls, the panoramic view of the Mekong delta..i would love to go back there again.

outside the warehouse market. the laid back lifestyle.

i'm slogging my arse out to grind the rice into powder!

momsie is super cute. us eating pho noodles and rice paper rolls before we got cheated by a cunning lady with her pang sai glutinous rice.

at the blue diamond hotel lobby.fab service :D

left stranded at the airport after STUPID TIGER AIRWAYS cancelled our flight with no explanation and left all the shit to the poor viet airport staff. thank God they provided good hotel stay and all meals provided. flight was switch to Lion Air the next afternoon. How ironic, from Lion to Tiger. HAHA. well, it wasn't that bad after all. extra day in Vietnam, though we couldn't do much but laze in the hotel, channel surfing though 70+ channels and visiting MaxiMark ala Mustafa in S'pore.

till then, I hope i get to travel more. gotta prepare for xinni's pyjamas party at capella sentosa (she booked a 1K per night garden villa!) and s'pore blog awards with evelyn now.

i'm gone! ((:

thank you.

planning the great escape.kidding!

2010-04-19T22:40:00.007+08:00
surrendering it all.

i bot sushi for moi moi ytd. tho a simple gesture of care for her, it makes me happy. cauz when i tink of her smile and that lil happiness in her, i feel happy too. there's too much unhappiness, grief and animosity manifesting in her that i tink that wadeva i can do to make her happy, i will try. dats wad she reali needs now. of cauz, i will still lose my patience n cool at times, i am human after all.

Its been some time since my baptism at St. Andrew's Cathedral. I feel renewed & restored by God, for all the wonderful things He has done in my life. Of cauz, not forgetting my sins along with the need for repentance. I chose Diane as my Christian/Baptism name and this name will remind me of God's goodness to me and my new life as a baptised Christian. It will be different, I will feel different and He will be living in me. an unexplainable feeling i guess. Sometimes, I would feel as though I want to resist Him cauz I can feel the change in me, in my life where He is in control and I can uplift everything into His hands with greater ease. A lot of my decisions and thoughts always revert back to Him, its a rather weird thing as it was never like that in the past. I would take control of the situation. But my circumstances and all the complicated issues now is God's test for me to whether I can surrender it all to Him and for once, stop being so worried.

After monday's baptism follow up session with Ivy, I felt that my mind & heart was at peace. Its so wonderful how each lesson is applicable to the situation I'm stuck in. I finally feel at peace after all the recent issues that I've been bottling up ever so tightly. Being able to let go seems so good. I know I have done what I can, done the best I could already and made the right decision to place my walk with God as my priority now. Cauz, if we don't get right with God, how can other things in our life fall in place? I'm gonna let Him take the wheel. And, I have already done so.
but of cauz, its not easy to surrender ALL to Him straight away even when ur mouth proclaims so. It's not easy plus I won't exactly say I'm very good at that as I admit, I am pretty weak at times, but I'm definitely much stronger now. it takes time to build up that strength to uplift all your cares and woes to him easily and i know it will get easier subsequently.

actually there are a lot of issues i want to address with some people. but i'm not gonna tink too much since i've already decided to let it go and overlook it ((: it has been burdening me so much that it affects me lika sharp knife slowly poking into my flesh. With dat burden weighing down upon my shoulders and with lotsa stuff in my family to attend to, i need to stay focus. i need prayer. especially for moi moi.

well, sth happifying. i'm going to FULLERTON 2mr for company lunch. its secretarial week and all the ladies are invited to lunch as a form of appreciation ((: :D and who said IA was dreadful? He blessed me with a good company and fabulous superiors ((: I can't be more than thankful.

woman.

at cn yang annual dinner with the fab.

i'm gonna meet my lovely CBE cn yang peeps on thur 4 din din at some porridge place? ((: and there's driving 2mr. HOORAY. and YAM at church on friday. talk at PJC on saturday, its higher education day. gotta gif a presentation on the cn yang scholarship thingy and life in NTU. zzz. hope i don't get the jitters!

sleeping time. gooder nite.

i'm gone.

no worries. no frustrations. ironman! haha, random. i'm so gonna watch ironman!

route to discipleship.

2010-04-11T23:11:00.002+08:00
renewed, restored.

i got baptised on the 3rd April 2010. It marked my "spiritual birthday" so to speak, the great step of faith i took to testify my faith in God to my friends and family.

this is my testimony at the baptism service held at St. Andrew's Cathedral. well, here goes..

Receiving Christ is to welcome Jesus to enter into our lives as our Lord and Saviour. It is also to ask for His forgiveness as a sinner. I prayed to receive Christ in Pri 5 and that was the same year my mom’s friend introduced us to Paya Lebar Methodist Church. I attended Sunday school and cell group regularly and served as a back-up singer in the youth worship ministry. During those days, I never saw the need to get baptized as I never felt that I reached a stage of spiritual maturity. I started to skip church when I entered JC. As youth service was moved to Saturday nights, I chose to go out with my JC friends instead. My social life was put on top priority and God was number 2. Eventually, I left the youth service in year 2005.
Despite my lack of spiritual piety, I must say God is great. He wanted me to know that no matter how lukewarm I was towards Him, He is still the Almighty Father whom will never forsake us. He blessed me with good A’level grades and a scholarship in NTU. Even when I felt that I had messed up my scholarship interview and came out of the room in tears, He calmed my heart and told me everything would be alright. True enough, He answered my prayer and provided during the time when my family was in financial need. Matthew 7:7-8 says 7"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. He will never shortchange us. This taught me to be patient when seeking the Lord for help. God will give you your due reward when He feels it’s the right time. It may not be immediate but He has His own perfect timing for us.
Some may think that this would be the turning point in my life where I realize how powerful God is and that I should have sole dependence on Him. However, I continued with my old habits of attending church off and on as I would hang out with my friends into the wee hours the previous night. During my first two years in NTU, my spiritual walk with God stood stagnant. I felt empty and constantly hungered for His spiritual food. This was only until last June, where my NTU course mate Steven invited me to attend his church service, which is where I am today. It was a very random invitation out of nowhere, but reflecting on whatever that has happened, the timing was perfect.
I went through a break-up last August and it dragged till November, eating into the exam period. However, God came in just before the emotional rollercoaster ride and sat beside me throughout. He was my pillar of strength during that difficult period and sent friends such as Ade, Steven, Angeline, Paul, Yiling, Yu Qi and Mee Cheng to tide me through. Even in times where I saw myself in tears while studying, I constantly prayed and drew strength from Him. He comforted me by calmly telling me to leave everything to Him, it will be fine. After all, it is said in 1 Peter 5:7 to “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
It’s so miraculous that the Lord can work things out so beautifully for us and we may not realize it at that point of time what is His purpose for arranging such events in our lives. Just like how he led me to WAC, where I had initial doubts on what He was planning for me. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy settling down in a new church when everyone had already formed their own cliques. Fear of not having a sense of belonging in a church struck me frequently. It was a tough struggle in the beginning, finding my foothold in a new environment. So many insecurities and what ifs clouded my mind. I prayed so fervently for God to show me if this was the church He meant for me. I did not want to fall back into the pits of darkness again, leading a life where God breezed in and out. I wanted Him to be the center of my life once again because we cannot live each day without God taking charge. There were so many times I wanted to give up because I felt the route to finding Him again would be too tough to overcome.
By God’s grace, I started attending Young Adult Ministry (also known as YAM) in January and started to know more people in church. God sent so many angels and instruments to motivate and encourage me. I thank God for placing these friends in my life to act as instruments to pull me back to Him. God also sent so many people from YAM to touch my heart with their warmth and love. Though it’s only a short period of time since I’ve got to know the YAMmies, they are so passionate about spreading the word of God that they are willing to make the effort to be part of my life. God works in such a wonderful way. He gave me strength throughout this period since July to assimilate myself in WAC, to grow spiritually at baby steps. I am truly humbled by the power of God as He himself led me back to Him. This episode taught me to have patience, to wait upon the Lord and not run ahead of His plans for me.
As to how I came to the decision to get baptized, I felt the call one day when they announced the opening of a new intake for baptism class. I felt that I was ready to take this bold step of faith to formally accept God into my life and begin my route to discipleship. I felt that since God blessed me with so many marvelous gifts, I ought to do His work. After all, that is His purpose for us. I took another step where I decided to serve in the upcoming GB mission trip. After all I was a GB girl in secondary school and count it as a blessing from God to enjoy that 4 years in there under the leadership of the officers and captain. It has impressed upon me that God’s purpose for me is to make a difference in other people’s lives as He empowered me to do so. God blessed us with so many different strengths and weaknesses and we should embrace it fully.
With God’s guidance, I also learnt to be more understanding towards my family members especially my Dad and my younger sister Moi Moi. I am sure, without God’s steady guidance, I will not be able to exercise that patience and love towards them. I thank God for who I am today and can’t be more than grateful that He led me back into His kingdom, just like how the shepherd leads his sheep back to the stable. I am standing here today to testify my faith for God because He deserves all glory and honour for the works He has done in my life. He transformed me and I am so thankful for his gracious love towards me. I am really excited as I begin my path towards experiencing God after today. Thank you Lord for all that you have done in my life. For those of your who haven’t experienced God, I hope you will get to experience Him because He can work so many miracles in your life , beyond your imagination, just like how he did in mine. Praise the Lord for His greatness. Amen.

awesome is the word I use to describe Him.

time will tell.

2010-03-13T21:13:00.009+08:00
sometimes i forget. sometime i don't think.

It’s been one month since I updated. So many things have happened in just this short one month.

Before Monday night: Yes, I will face it bravely since I am the problem & solution. It’s making me confused and unsettled. My feelings and mind’s in a whirl. Do so: Straighten out my thoughts and heart strings. I need to self-guide and learn this myself.

Now: God will lead the way. Though sometimes it’s just a convenient excuse, but it’s still so true somehow. The future is unpredictable, it is full of surprises installed for us. Who knows what will happen tomorrow right?

Ongoing drama at home. Too much drama. I know mom is tired, its wearing her thin and she needs that support and strength to carry on with the drama that moi moi & dad is putting up. What should I do seriously when I feel so helpless & powerless.

CNY 初二 with dad's side. 2nd year tradition for a family pic ((:

CNY 初一 My Valentine. Hall 6 Single's Night Out ((:

reunion dinner with mom's side. My nephew is adorable to bitsss!

look at our tent. effort points :D

beach out on CNY Eve's Eve.

morning sunrise at ECP.

xinni ((:

Hall 6 Night cycling!

chillax by the pool.

cultural night 2010 with my gals.

gotta sleep earlier tonight. ultra long baptism class 2mr. i'm gonna get baptised on 3rd April. i need a Christian name. HAHA.

i'm gone.

yes. i really feel powerless.

the fragility of it all.

2010-02-07T19:57:00.003+08:00
when they are gone.

it's so weird & scary when people close to your heart just leave the world w/o saying goodbye to you. well of course its not like they can predict when they want to go..but its just so heart wrenching when its all so sudden.

grand-aunt just passed away this morning. my grandpa's pretty close to my grand aunt, i mean, they have been siblings for 80+ years.. and we visit her in Penang regularly. we haven't told him cauz he got warded in hospital again. yes, again. low blood pressure which is genetic so he needed a blood transfusion. i really wanna travel with him to US in june. I hope he'll be healthy enough by then. I will pray really hard. he loves travelling so much and he hasn't been able to travel these few years/months due to his ailing health. he loved travelling with grandma.

thinking of death.. reminds me of my two friends who passed away last year. one is someone really close to my heart. we weren't very close after we left secondary school, though meeting up occasionally. but she was my closest junior. she got into a choo choo train accident last august with her bf. she got knocked down by the train and died from severe injuries. when i got the news from Gracia, i was just too shock to react. it didn't really help that sth really bad happened on that day besides news of her passing, while i had to attend my grandpa's b'day. was i to smile or cry? yesterday was her birthday. it would be her 21st birthday. Happy Birthday Clara. I know you are having a good time in heaven.

in October, I got news of my course mate who found out he had brain tumour and had to undergo chemotherapy. he is still recuperating at home and won't be back in sch so soon..

then, during the exam period in Nov, my 1st 3 months JC classmate died from a car accident while serving his NS as a pilot in US. his life was on a high. he finished his course as a pilot. full fledge pilot. and he left us all of a sudden. together with so many other riff riff stuff going on..it was some mad ride through the exams.

what a 2009. haha.

woah.

HE does wonders.

2010-02-01T22:44:00.004+08:00
miracles.

its the 8th night of my very tragic insomnia. HAHA. yes, the 8th night where i haven't had a good sleep. i don't know how to cure this. I have been praying very hard every night. but you know, He is so wonderful. even with so much lack of sleep, the amount of sleep a person has in a day can equal or be more than the amount of sleep i have had in 8 nights, God gives me strength each day. He tides me thru' each day, through work at Jurong Island.. even thru' my inter-hall swimming competition. w/o sleep, he was my energy booster yesterday and i swam well. its like so amazing. Haha, how is it even possible? both our freestyle and breaststroke events got 2nd..

as much as i cry at times, cauz i can't sleep, my mind's so active, but my body feels so tired, i thank Him for seeing me thru', cauz i'm really so scared that i will just collapse one day, collapse from exhaustion. i really hope for a good's night rest ((:

find peace in Him.

insomnia.

2010-01-25T19:45:00.011+08:00
needs a really good rest.

highlight of last week. the best hall bash ever. ((: t'nite was rather fun. hall 6 will always be hall 6, crazy as can be.

this is so yesterday, like 1 year ago in hall. sigh*

haha, its always fun with this buncha ppl.

my lovely girls. <3<3<3

i've been suffering from insomnia for the past 3 weeks. I either can't get to sleep even though I lie down on my bed by 12am or will wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep for nuts. i think too much. i worry too much. so many thoughts running through my head as i'm awake, preventing me from resting in peace. the aftermath is horrid. internal organs feel like their all topsy turvy and weirdly wired. sleeping pills may come in handy.

for the record, i haven't slept for FOUR DAYS. i don't even catch a wink during the day and have been on 2 days MC. i wenta work 2dae, cauz i managed to catch some sleep last night.

IA has been great. the environment in Infineum is pretty fab. lotsa young engineers to make you feel that you're still very young (ogays i'm talking as though i'm older than em, their all in their mid 20s). my supervisor plus older engineers are super funny uncles who enjoy gossiping and LOL. regular free lunches and snacks :D one of the young engineer is also damn helpful and nicee cauz we gotta work closely on the same project. i think he'll go crazy with the endless questions from me! my supervisor's superb too. i really hope i will have a great experience here. i feel i'm learning lotsa stuff and am very intrigued by the happenings around the chemical plant and workplace. i hope everything goes well and hope that i'll stop worrying bout work too ((:
my supervisor's good fren just treated us to boon tong kee chicken rice today. zomg, its so good. he got it delivered to jurong island. like how nice is dat :D

i'm gonna go bathe and take my medicine to get me all drowsy. I know God will gimme good rest tonight ((:

healing scriptures.

2010-01-24T09:02:00.003+08:00
Singapore News

Two men die after industrial accident on Jurong Island
Posted: 23 January 2010 1500 hrs

SINGAPORE : Two men have died after an industrial accident at Chemicals Specialities on Jurong Island on Saturday.

The incident happened at about 11am.

Singapore Civil Defence Force (SCDF) personnel said the roof of a cylindrical tank had blown off as a result of the accident.

The cylindrical tank contained chemicals used in the manufacturing of brake fluids.

The Manpower Ministry said its preliminary findings reveal that the Malaysian workers were installing piping to various tanks when one of the tanks exploded.

The Ministry has instructed Chemical Specialties to stop all installation works on the plant.

Investigations by the Manpower Ministry and SCDF are ongoing. - CNA/ms

OK. and i'm having attachment at jurong island now. i'm scared.

i really hate this feeling now. the sense of vulnerability and uncertainty. sucks. ARGH, stop thinking.

just like a closet.

2010-01-18T22:33:00.004+08:00
when will it be?

when will i actually be less anti-social? i guess most ppl will tink i'm a pretty sociable person. but i know many will have the first impression that i'm a ice queen too. well if someone takes the initiative to know me, then i will reciprocate. if not i won't really make the effort to know you. not that i don't care, but to be honest, i don't dare or let's just say, shy. hmmm maybe. those who know me well enough will know i'm actually quite a closed up person and don't open up to ppl that easily. i'm kinda trying to work on that, cauz its hindering my work for my IA. I need to be more proactive. need to ask for help, ask more questions, be more friendly so that I can get help readily and well... just open up more to ppl. and maybe get that social/PR thing going. i never realised i was like this till now. i really hope my IA goes well. i'm starting to feel the pressure to perform to my max potential. i need sleep. i need to recover from my flu.

needs a stronger heart. needs to be less distracted

pulling my feet as i move along.

2010-01-12T20:48:00.007+08:00
dreading the start of IA.

2dae's the 2nd day of IA. FYI if ur don't know, my IA location is at JURONG ISLAND. gotta pass through jurong island checkpoint and exxonmobil security checkpoint. zzz )): 2dae i was late for work for holy cow 1 hour. missed the Infineum bus so i cabbed to Jurong Island checkpoint & hopped onto the exxonmobil bus. at least my supervisor is nice. lol, he reached work later than me! haha!

boss is gonna treat us to lunch at Jumbo steamboat @ vivocity 2mr ((: yayy! not to mention, Wednesdays are half days for all of us there :D

sigh,i kinda miss hall 6 now. i've moved outa hall alr, travel baq to visit some hall ppl occasionally... initially i was eggcited bout IA, considering the fact that i won't have any exams & assignments to worry about.. but i'm starting to dread work. it will be so routine, a every day chore, will this be my everyday life in the future? a 45 minute journey from jurong east to jurong island?? oh, but the food is dirt cheap & yummy! that's a PLUS point since i can't live w/o food. HEE. hmmm, i shall rethink and reflect on my future career path.

anyway, i'm pretty upset about the softball match between hall 7. we were definitely better since we let them walk 7 while we scored 6. we would see ourselves in the finals if not for the walks given to em, considering we could hold them all the way till the end. freakkk. the taste of victory was that close. and history had to repeat itself again, just like last year. it was a pretty emotional moment for us year 3s after the match ended. we will not say "next year" again.
i will swim faster for 31st January. i miss everyone.

one of the December meet ups with the "disbanded" hall 6 gang. i rmb those times where we would just randomly crashed tim's or edo's room to chillax..a place where we could feel at ease and hang out. but ur ppl ain't staying in hall anymore. there's only yiling & me now. i'm really reminiscing 'bout the good old times.

tikus, timmy turban, edo.

xiu zee bee, stoofi, yiling, me.

can i really move on from here?

Blessed Christmas and Eggciting 2010!

2010-01-01T12:05:00.007+08:00

party pooper 2010!

new year, new beginning.

its 2010. yeah the cliche phrase, "time flies". HAPPY MERRY EGGCITING NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

just wanna thank every who made my 21st b'day so wonderful ((: i really appreciate all who were present and those who came early to help plus all the well wishes!! sorry if i didn't invite any of you, not that i didn't want to, but i decided to keep it small!
and to those who came, sorry if i didn't really plan any programmes b4 dat & sometimes ur just sat there 2 eat. wad i really wanted was to spend time with everyone and catch up with ur. but well, i wasn't exactly able to do so. heh. felt a lil silly initially. though i didn't really plan anything, i was fretting over my b'day. cauz lotsa ppl were gonna be late and i feel dat i'm jinxed, regarding b'days. so far, something bad will happen on my b'day. in 2005, i kinda spoilt my own surprise haha. and for instance in 2006, my camera got stolen & the day time was bleah. 2008's left me with some bad memories. but i really thank God for my family and friends whom have been so nice to me, people whom i treasure so much. i feel so blessed with all you wonderful people in my life, whom i can depend on.
especially to my bestie ade, who has been there for me all these while. 15 years of friendship is something which can't be put into words. i thank God for placing you in my life, to be there for me, spending those impt dates with me. love u gal ((:

thank you so much everyone for making me very happy on my 21st. i really really appreciate it ((: <3<3<3 xoxo

to you, the special one, thank you very much ((:

what have i been up to?
December is fabulous. i love december :D
1) ade & my 21st. YAY!
2) catch up session: dinner & sheesha with edwin/edo the thai porn star, timmy turban, stoofi, xiu zee bee, titus tikus & goh yi ling.
3) blessed christmas, where it was not so much about the gifts and food but the meaningful gatherings and time spent with my friends.
4) caught bodyguards & assassins on boxing day with ade, shawn & tian ning
5) stoofi's fantabulous 21st
6)shopping & more shopping

i really enjoyed my christmas this year. I spent christmas eve with yi ling at her aunty's crib. yi ling has 7 aunties and 1 uncle + her momsie. thats a really big family. her family is a really close knitted one and i gotta experience and receive the warmth and love from her aunties. they are so warm and hospitable that they make an "outsider" like me feel part of them. the food was fab too. this is my greatest gift this christmas, not in the form of a prezzie, but love and warmth from a friend and her relatives which cannot be measured by physical/monetary means ((:
so i spent christmas day at church in the morning, lunch at ade's and dinner at sydney's place with the sec 4d guys. i truly enjoyed this christmas and cannot be more thankful for all the love i have received from my friends ((:

countdown was at the usual, harry's bar @ holland v. a lil dimmy this year, mood seemed a lil less joyous & crazy but we still had fun doing crazy things. our group was overly noisy inside harry's, cheering like mad dogs and armed 100 party poopers. and there was a proposal! so sweet, a guy proposed to his gf <3<3<3 *heart melts. we played sparklers on the streets and moved around like mad ppl. people were dancing in the restaurants. some parts of holland v turned into outdoor clubs where tipsy people of different races where dancing tgt. it was a ((: sight. crazy! eh,we were crazy too. ((:

as the clock struck 12, lotsa thoughts went thru' my head. i dunno wad i was feeling feeling, but i felt a lil down & kinda emotional. 2009 swept past me in a whirl and there are lotsa memories that i have to leave behind. its meant to be a happy new year. hmmm. 2009 has been a rather tumultuous ride for me...
anyway, i am very thankful for each and every person who has been there for me, being my pillar of strength till the very end. what would i have done w/o your? HAHA. hello 2010, goodbye 2009.

and I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. dis is the 1st time in my life, some1 told me i can go to the gym to lose weight. i am traumatised and overwhelmed.

have you really learnt. have you really got IT. have you really understood.

pandora's box.

2009-12-18T01:28:00.005+08:00
die hard romantic.

i'm a sucker for romantic movies. and AVATAR is one of em. besides the power-packed action and latest 3D technology by Cameron, i really wish i lived in Pandora with a man i can depend on, like Jack, in the movie. ((((: zomg, romantic to the maxxx. I was swooning throughout the whole movie, over how Pandora is beautifully created, the wonderful graphics & effects. the Pandora island is so magical, surreal and so beautiful than you can ever imagine. the plot is fab. the climax build up is fantastic, the emotions within me is just so immense. i gotta say, this is one of the best movies i've ever watched besides Lord of The Rings hur hur. AVATAR is a must watch. i give it FIVE popcorn!!! :D

aniwae, i gotta dedicate this post to my post beloved bestie, ADELINE YEONG MUN YAN. every year i write you a b'day note. and every year i look forward to your b'day. i was very eggcited for ur 21st, cauz i noe it was gonna be fab. i made you a powerpoint slide with ear candy music. i hope that touched you and it'll let you know, you're so impt in my life. 15 years of friendship, though not strong from the beginning, but it only gets better each and every year. we did so many "1st time" things together. almost everything i do, there's a memory of you inked in my brain. i thank you for being there for me and i will always be there for you too. such a wonderful friend like you, I feel so blessed that God placed you in my life. Thank you bestie. XOXO. Happy 21st. (belated note i'm sorry!)

ade's 21st at the beer station. :D:D:D

when we were cute & naive & young. HEE HEE ((:

gonna get ready for my 21st party soon. its today. i realised its a Friday and lotsa my friends can't make it. i was pretty upset at 1st. but i guess i have no choice. I will be optimistic and be happy and hope for the best! ((: today is my party and i should enjoy and have fun. i didn't invite a lot of people, but quality should be the factor right? the main thing i wanna do is just to catch up with all my friends! pls reverse the "curse". i don't wanna be jinxed )):

Please.

WHEEEE!

2009-12-06T11:47:00.015+08:00
the taste of freedom for the next 9 MONTHS. HOLY COW!

HEE HEE! Thursday was the last day of exams 4 me. Morning paper so whoo hoo! this exams has been a very tough one. Exam dates are pretty packed and I have 6 papers, not to mention 8 modules. Hence, I had very very little time to prepare for my examinable papers (with mad 26 AUs this sem +++ 4 projects and weekly lab reports to do, not to mention graded assignments zzz) It's totally retarded cauz i hafta do 3 presentations for Engineers & Society, a group essay + its examinable, 100% ESSAY format. I tell you, there was no point studying for the pang sai paper, cauz its mainly general knowledge, his notes ain't super updated, the lecturer doesn't spoon feed and he's ubber BORING. BRRRR, and i kinda feel v upset bout most of the papers and almost sunk into depression during the exam period. but i knew i hadta be strong. i knew i hadta stand up on my own feet and bring myself out from that black hole.

thanks to these ppl who haf helped me academically this sem. it was a nice pizza treat from jeremy to appreciate us. Awww, so sweet <3. Eve is always so patient with us. Meech is like my pillar of support this sem, i stayed in her room for 1 week during the exams and gotta experience the "goodness" of hall 16, air-con hall. it breeds laziness seriously..

I am happy!!! December HELLOOOO. I trust God will make my next 9 months fabulous. I'm going for Industrial Attachment, so no school for 1 semester!!! YAY! I pray for a good employer and great work experience.
Though this sem has been a mad roller-coaster ride for me, so much shit and overwhelming problems arising, its finally over, all the workload whatever. I'm relieved. I really thank those whom have been there for me to give me strength knowing that I can be rather weak at times.. but it will only make me stronger. and every mountain scaled is lika learning journey for me. I thank God and all of you for tiding me through my yr 3 sem 1 ((: <3 <3 <3

and the taste of freedom starts with our usual post exam KARAOKE with the CN Yang peeps :D:D:D It was in Chinatown. So I guess ur would think, EEW Chinatown, old n whatever. Haha, but the place was good. in fact, i felt it was better than K-box. Of cauz K-Box is newer. But the selection of songs is wider (more updated english songs for the Mandarin CMI like me, TOUCH SCREEN selection/remote control and its CHEAP. 10 bucks per person for 5 hours with free flow drinks (their honey water is damn good!), one free bowl of "shark's fin" soup and some seaweed snack thingy. We almost wrecked the place with the our mad jumping on the sofa. our brains must haf been over-fried. ZZZ. meech was on drugs.

it was nice to walk down the streets of chinatown, too bad i didn't walk pass my road.

We drank KOI bubble tea. every sip came with a mouthful of pearls, i almost died of pearl overdosed!!its the BEST bubble tea i've drank, freshly brewed tea and we can choose the different sugar levels we want (0%, 25%, 75% or 100%) FABBB TTM.

With me being in NTU and her being in NUS. We hardly meet. And every time we meet, its as eggciting as eva. Post-exam DAY OUT WITH BESTIE AH BU LA-LANG.

I bought two pairs of shoes, a superhero (wonder woman) underwear from topshop (hehe)and a dark blue toga dress (yes, my fetish for TOGAs).

But i preferred the turquoise dress from New Look. i am wearing the size 6 dress as seen above, but cldn't zip all the way up to my armpit, despite sucking it in and ade's help, LOL! they only had size 6 and 12 & above left. well, of cauz i'm not Victoria Beckham so I couldn't fit into size 6 (if only my frame was smaller, means i gotta be shorter, unless i'm too fat!). size 12 would be way too big. size 8/10 would fit just nice. i was so stumped )): i wan my turquoise toga dress!!
i was very happy to have dinner with her parents and big sis as i missed em so much :D I will have more time to meet em in 2010 ((:

headed to clarke quay to meet up with my cafe colleagues after dinnner. We visited our ex-manager who is now working as GM at a Latin club. so as GM, he "hadta" treat us to a round of drinks, lol. its called AZZUCAR! fabulous latin music sang by a band from Cuba. they have curly frizzy hair like me ((:

today, bestie ade is celebrating her 21st. food is buffet style and free flow beer --> beer belly alert!! i prepared a surprise for her. It took me the whole of yesterday to complete. My 1st attempt at making it. haha, will update soon. gtg help out earlier. I gotta sleep earlier every night also, i dun wanna age prematurely )): eye bags, be gone! i'm gone!

chapter closed.

depressed and down.

2009-11-23T13:57:00.007+08:00
home sick.

my exams start 2mr. i'm scared and totally not prepare to the MAX. i feel damn depressed and down. i'm feeling home sick, i miss my family and my frens outside. i gotta get used to being "alone" again, not having you around me anymore. my roomie's not around, i lay down on the bed alone. the room seems so empty and big. i'm just one tiny person in there. i'm so used to your company that being along makes me feel so empty suddenly. no matter what, i gotta get used to it. focus! i'm so distracted, argh. i really want to go home now. i don't want to be around hall anymore. i want to meet my secondary and JC frens. i reali miss their company. 2 more weeks, next thur it will be over. please end my misery.

Lord, please feel & fill my emptiness.

sleepless nights.

2009-11-05T00:26:00.005+08:00
only perfect lullabies give sweet dreams.

its not as easy i thought. i'm taking it as each day passes. being surrounded by my friends keeps me pre-occupied. but when i'm back in hall, my mind starts to wander. its a mixture of feelings which can't be put into words. Please let me have a good night's rest. Perpetual headache and i've gotten the flu bug )):

good night goodnight. say goodnight and go.

and i just realised its the 5th of the month. rings a bell in my head...

Was just visiting some peggy chang's blog and i chanced upon this webby. just random but what ever it says is so true. haha interesting. the webby has so much other random stuff but i didn't bother to explore.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

No relationship is perfect. However, there are several serious pitfalls that will end a relationship very quickly if you don't try to avoid them. The 10 items below are some of the most common and serious mistakes than can keep you from having the lasting relationship you want.

1. Cheating. Being unfaithful is the number one way to end a relationship. If you want to see someone else, be responsible enough to end your relationship first. Anything else is just being dishonest and cowardly.

2. Hanging on to Your Ex. While it's very important to remember your past mistakes, it's also important to move on. If you're still hung up on your ex, perhaps it's too early to start a new relationship. Even when you think you have no feelings left, if you're stuck in a pattern of bringing up your ex all the time when you talk with your new partner, you should do some serious thinking about where you've been and where you're heading. Your current partner deserves your full attention. It's only fair.

3. Rushing Things. Relationships develop at their own pace. Some move quickly, others move slowly and steadily. If you push your partner too much, you risk pushing them away. Two prime examples of this are the timing of physical intimacy and saying "I love you." Both of these things are best when they happen naturally. You'll both know when the time is right and the relationship won't be strained.

4. Being Ruled by Jealousy. Often feelings of intense jealousy are caused by past relationships. If your partner is open and honest, you shouldn't feel threatened by incidental contact with someone else. Conversation and interaction is normal. Trust is also important. If you become jealous with your partner without real cause, it can seriously harm your relationship.

5. Focusing too Much on the Future. When relationships are new, it's not the time to dwell too much on the future. Live for the day. The flush of excitement of a new relationship only happens once. Instead of worrying about what's coming next, enjoy what you have now. Often when one partner is too concerned about the future, the other partner is scared away thinking that they are too serious. Again, live for the moment and enjoy where you are.

6. Failure to Balance Friendships With the Relationship. It's important for each of you to have friends. People often take things very personally when someone talks badly about a friend. Because of these two things, it's critical to allow your partner time with and for their friends while avoiding talking badly about them. No one is perfect - most of our friends have quirks. Just remember that your friends can be a little strange, too. Finally, don't feel threatened when your partner wants to do something with their friends.

7. Failure to Communicate. Open honest communication is one of the most important things in a healthy relationship. When you keep secrets or even feel too embarrassed to discuss your thoughts, it can build walls between you and your partner. Yes, there is a risk that your feelings or thoughts might end up causing problems in the relationship. However, if there's a break-up because you're not compatible, that's OK. In fact it's far better to find that out than to pretend you're something you're not.

8. Forcing your Partner to Change. This is the flip-side of #7. If you can't accept who your partner is, you probably should find someone else. When you force your partner to change, there is often resentment and the changes rarely last. Even when a partner has a real problem, we can't "fix" them. We can encourage, but if they don't commit to the change on their own, it just won't happen.

9. Blaming Your Partner. A relationship takes two people. So do relationship problems. It can be very difficult and often painful to admit our part in relationship problems, but an honest look at our actions is critical. If you expect your partner to face the blame for a problem all alone, don't be surprised when they don't want to do anything else with your either.

10. Staying After the Feeling is Gone. If you're just going through the motions in a relationship, your partner knows it. If the relationship is worth saving, you both need to talk and find a way to reignite the spark If not, you should be honest enough to admit that the relationship is over. Often we're stuck in these ruts because the uncomfortable "known" seems better than the scary "unknown." In reality, a flat relationship will not last, and will often lead to serious conflict.

work it out.

what ifs, what not, would you?

2009-11-01T16:53:00.007+08:00
in the end, its still so painful.

we all dream of happy endings. we all dream of fairy tales. we all dream of great dreams. no one wants a painful ending. but somehow, we will go thru' it if not how are we gonna overcome greater hurdles in life?

i have no idea if we/I have made the right decision. thinking back, yeah, maybe i regret, but either ways, would it have been better? giving the 2nd chance for us to try again, guess i couldn't even give you a concrete yes or no. being paranoid due to the past, i couldn't give my all, prioritized other things, but still needed assurance from you. you tried, but didn't get what you need and decided this would be the best for us. i agreed as i didn't think there was any other option, i couldn't promise or commit anyway..my feelings kept fluctuating, i don't know why..i kept holding back my emotions, kept holding back all the sweet-nothings that i wanted to say to you in order to protect myself from being hurt again. i was afraid that i would be saying things i didn't mean. freak the paranoia. you didn't get the needed assurance from me but at the same time i was hoping for more assurance & effort from you. slowly, i pulled myself away, withdrew myself. just within one week, everything changed. i know it hasn't been easy for you. i guess you were prepared for it too. i don't know what the future holds. it hurts that you're being firm bout this, since i'm the softy kind. but it will definitely help us to move on from here. i never thought i would be that affected by this. this seriously sucks. exams in 2+weeks ARGH. its not helping.

what if i can't? what if i don't have the strength to?
happy belated b'day, ilu.

suitcase.

2009-10-19T16:51:00.011+08:00
long weekend, accomplished the least )):

i accomplished the least dis wkend, despite it being a 3 day weekend cauz of Deepavali. how niceee. but on a lighter note, i got myself some great stuff during the wk end!!! after church, i bused down to queensway/anchorpoint to buy my sport shoes. i learnt from my sis that the lifespan of sports shoes is 2 years. well the effectiveness will wear kinda wear off after 2 years. but my sole is alr coming off a lil. i got myself a SUPER CUTE SUITCASE from anchorpoint. there were 20 pieces of it only going for 10 bucks (HOLY COW, original price is $50++)!!! can u believe it!? tho i don't reali think i'll haf any use for it (hmmm, maybe I could bring it on those 3D2N trips!!), but i just had to get one!! Thank goodness i reserved it and came back to collect it after i bought my sport shoes. cauz by the time returned to the shop (<30min later), all the cute suitcases were gone! other cute designs available too, go visit anchorpoint ((: i was just so eggcited & exhilarated over my great buy throughout the entire journey home, with my suitcase sitting beside me :D yeah, as happy as a retard :D

the suitcase which made me smile lika retard :D:D:D

aniwae, i met up with my 15 Minutes Cafe colleagues last Fri nite. i missed out pre-Sentosa + Luge with em in e afternoon )): it was just a simple foodcourt dinner and hang out over-watching the sea at Vivo's upper deck ((: i neva laughed so hard in a long while.. it kinda made me miss the crazier, livelier me. i neva imagined myself sitting with these bunch of ppl, from diff walks of life, of diff age groups and backgrounds, having HTHT and LOL. Naz was the joke of the nite. making everything clean seem dirty, when he meant pure innocence. i seriously love these bunch of ppl. i wish we all of us could still work tgt... but the environment at 15 Minutes ain't the same anymore...
<3 my cafe ppl ((:

e ONE and only WAN. e biggest joker ard :D

jul, tim and lena da jie (ah lian).

Sam the suffering army boy and Naz the gay boy!

KELIN!

my dearest CHERYL!

8 modules. one more month to exam. still got two more presentations to clear. )):
not in the mood to study too. this weekend has whizzz pass me.

i shall try to get my work done heh..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHERYL (the 21 year old 2-DIMENSIONAL woman. hee hee).

hope to play touch rug with ur soon lovely ladies! <3<3<3

in a bad mood. pms perhaps.

Bitter Heart.

2009-10-05T21:33:00.003+08:00
Bitter Sweet. Roller coaster rings.

Its lika dagger thru' my heart. It sinks so low till all the internal body parts feel weighed down by the excess baggage.

i wanna feel colourful again. and just as I tot i was finding myself again, dat craziness in me, i wanna laugh out loud like neva before. argh, oh so random...

this is colourfully mismatched ((:

smile for the days are gonna get beta.

why, tell me why? i don't understand.

2009-08-24T01:20:00.002+08:00
i see myself crying again when i finally though, no more tears shed. its harder than i thought and i don't think its gonna be easier in the days to come.

please keep me strong, please.
push on.

everything's wrong.

2009-08-20T23:37:00.002+08:00
smile, for the days are gonna get better ((:

(More) Egregious offences the MRT should be fining people for.
Heh, a rip off from 8 days. I think its damn funny!!!
So the MRT folks are so strict about eating on their trains that they'll fine you for just sucking a sweet. Surely there are more important and annoying offences that they should be going after?

1) Possession of smelly armpits when raising arms.
2) Pretending to be asleep when a pregnant woman boards the carriage.
3) Singing along to your MP3 player.
4) Leaning your whole back against the pole.
5) Falling asleep and letting your greasy head fall onto your neighbour's shoulder.
6) Possession of annoying ringtone.
7) Spreading legs excessively wide and squeezing your neighbour.
8) Publicly addressing your girlfriend/boyfriend by their pet-names, e.g. "Honeybumples", "Kuchipoot", "Ong-Ong", etc.
9) Attempting to read people's newspaper/magazine/iPhone over their shoulder.

i tot i wld be fine.

broken.

2009-08-15T09:37:00.004+08:00
fighting to be strong, but it isn't as easy as i tot.

it will take time for us to move on from here.
its gonna hurt a lot.
its not gonna be easy.
but I will fight hard to be strong, if not stronger.
you too right?
you know you're still in my heart.
we don't know what the future holds for us.
for now, we'll let go and walk on by.

and it was said: "bye bye blackbird."

i only wished for the best in you and for you.
my heart tells me to run back into our arms.
but somehow i have to stand by my decision.
yes i am confused.
everything's just too painful to swallow.
i think about it all day and night.
i think about you, i think about us.
tell me how am i going to alright.

that was the breaking point.
if only you treasured me more.
why?

many mosquito bites.

2009-08-05T19:33:00.000+08:00
just feeling utterly depressed. random.

forgotten.

2009-07-22T23:58:00.003+08:00
i'm your venus.

i'm officially the number 1 lab klutz. i broke 2 beakers on monday. i broke a medium sized rotary flask and tipped over some pure compounds on tuesday. the pure compound is super vital to the paper my PHD student is writing. sighhh. imma freako. my post doc doesn't have confidence in me, she says that there will always bound to sth bad happening when i carry out tasks assigned. its like double work )): )): )):

i got pretty upset over a mini incident last nite. D was toking to me online and told me sth which kinda made me reali emo. lets just say, i found out my good frens went out w/o asking me when we keep telling each other "must meet up soon KAY!" the reason: they tot i was busy so, didn't bother asking.

i know it was pretty silly for me to get all sad over sucha small matter. but still, it did hurt. hurt in the way where they'll tell me lets meet up soon and stuff..but..yeah. i'm sure ur noe that feeling too, all those bee zee bees out there. i know i'm quite bee zee with lab work. its quite normal that some of my friends have grown tired of asking me out cauz i'm always so busy during sch days (with hall stuff). my jc frens (the gang) haven't been asking me out (for 1+ year alr) tho' they do meet pretty regularly. at least we met 2 weeks ago for glenn's 21st.
i do make the effort if i can. it makes me feel so pathetic if i were to ask em "why didn't you call me along" when i find out only afta they met up. i tink i shld get immune to dis. lets just sae, its the price to pay for being so busy, occupied with so much shit. i need to free myself. i need some free time.

i love thursdays :D:D:D thursdays have become going out day for vainpot and me. its dating day. LOL. hahaha. <3 we're goin to the cafe i work at to eat then watch harry, cafe then piggnic or just piggnic. we can feed the swans at the botanic gardens!

i'm gone!

thursday lovin'.

romantic date please! :D:D:D

2009-07-21T01:03:00.005+08:00
park.

i wanna go to telok blangah park!!! :D:D:D the park is also linked to mount faber park and kent ridge park. its like buy 1 get 2 free, HAHA! i'm sooo eggcited. i'm so waiting for the day to come where vainpot brings me there. we'll cook our own food or buy some snacks, bring a piggnic mat + storybook, armed with water and comfy flipflops, start our adventure at telok blangah park and take many many pigggtures (((: oooh, triple chin of happiness. take me on a romantic date to the park k?

i take horrible pouty lippy kissy pigggtures. look at my hideous lips, haha!

we're off to the park! <3<3<3

i forgot, HAPPY 21st SIQI aka LADY BOSS. <3<3<3 i reali appreciate all dat help u haf rendered me these 2 years. i reali look up to you academically and well, u're one zai freak mannn.

LADY BOSS IS ONE YEAR OLDER!
SCBE Nueve V Main Comm <3

SUPPER GANG. TWIST :D:D

till death do us part.

2009-07-18T13:14:00.008+08:00
flabby fatty patty me.

i find this pretty funny. i read in the 8DAYS that in year 1983, Michael Jackson introduced the MOONWALK to the world while performing 'Billie Jean' at Motown's 25th anniversary TV special. Clinics everywhere report a rise in cases of sprained ankles. Direct quotation from 8DAYS. zomg, so if i lived during that era and seriously wanted to learn the damn moonwalk, i might have ended up in the clinic with two sprained ankles. LOL. but seriously, i really love the song "You Are Not Alone" by MJ. if only he just did ONE nose job, he would look normal even in laying down there in the coffin. RIP MJ.

vainpot and I wenta Ikea + anchorpoint to do some shopping on thur! it was a quiet afternoon. where time seemed to slow down for us. sipping a cuppa nice coffee (free with ikea friends card!), ppl watching. commenting on how ex the ikea cafe food has become...having early dinner while the foodcourt was still pretty empty. pushing the trolley ard ikea and dumping unnecessary stuff into it. shopping at outlet stores with massive discounts. if God's will permits, thinking of how our future house will be like (nice comfy sofa & king size bed pls?), dreaming of making big bucks (ur SLK dream car and my BMW). seeing kids running ard and thinking of whether one day, we will can see our own, playing at ikea... time was really slow that afternoon.. we kinda coincidentally wore matching outfits though we set off from his place. HAHA.

HAHAHA.

free coffee!

MARIA trolley boy <3

we bought same pillows, same set of quilt covers and clothes organiser.all in for a good stay in our shabby hall 6, lol. pretty pretty quilt covers and pillow cases! the pillow we bot is v fluffy n it has the "awwwww" effect when u rest ur head on it. i hope i can feel like i'm in heaven when i start using the pillow ((:

i can't believe sch's starting. sigh. its another semester of work where i suck at my core subjects, only to feel lousy and demoralised once again. moving back to hall's not that eggciting either. it seems like everyone's gone. its a new batch of freshmen coming in...edwin n benny ain't staying anymore, many of us used to hang out at their room, popping in randomly to relax with the gay buddies. xiu didn't get hall. i'm all alone in my blk 34 while the rest have moved to other blk's single rooms. even vainpot has moved to another blk. brother paul too )): i'm not sure if i can say life for me is stagnant now.
but somehow so many of em seem so distant. em as in generally. i felt like i am bobbing around, in some sense, around friends. i dunno what i'm tokin bout.

haha sth to be happy about a few weeks back. I took part in THE ULTIMATE CLEO CHALLENGE with xinni, shaz and xiu! we won freakin 3RD!!!! PINK fujifilm waterproof camera and diesel perfume and lotsa lotsa tampons and neutrogena products etc. haha.
the race around sentosa was super shagggg pls. physically demanding. ohhh, must have the brains to strategise too. only for the fit n brainy. LOL. alright alright, i'm bragging. kidding. but it was damn fun. we chilled til late at cafe del mar + some eggciting pool action we gotta watch. that cleo bachelor was a jerk, he wanted to bring her home, sicko. it was a good day

can we pls meet up soon my dear gals???

our team "SIXERS" cauz, all from NTU Hall 6. haha, yes yawnnns*

i gotta prepare for si qi's b'day now. she's turning 21! i gotta miss tough rugby bbq at moo's place. i miss my gals )): too bad, we can't have the best of both worlds. sad.
i'm gone!

i don't know what the future holds for me. i'm not gonna think too far, but its just you, right here, right now with me.

durian dreams.

2009-07-09T22:12:00.003+08:00
detached from all.

its the durian season. king of all fruits. i've had lotsa lotsa DURIANS on sunday and tuesday nite. its reali nice sitting down tgt with ur family on the floor, prying open durians, enjoying those delectable lil fleshy meat. ARGH. I LOVE DURIANS!!! and they are reali cheap cheap too. momsie got em at 11 for 20bucks, not bad i say, taste wise.
if only vainpot was around to eat durians with me. he's in reservice, but coming out in a few hours. he has been gone for 2 weeks. i miss him to smithereens! :D:D:D

last week was SCBE FOC camp. Nueve V. it was fab. i tot as main comm,i wouldn't have much to do. but the main comm reali did help each other out. to be honest, i felt rather displaced. being not very close to the main comm people made me kinda dread camp. i was reali hoping i would enjoy it and not have that mental struggle during camp. that kind of feeling sucks. at some point of time i did wonder, what i should do, my role in camp. as hon gen sec, i didn't reali have any specific role in camp except to wake up early to take the temperature of the freshies (camp nurse) and do some admin stuff. most of the time i was helping welfare with shifting stuff or just randomly helping around or following kanza. at least i wasn't doin nth.
random tots to myself.. i do have close frens, but why neva a clique of frens whom i am close? a clique who regularly hang out, chill...do stuff tgt. its just so weird.
camp ended well, the closing ceremony was pretty emo. romantic setting, nice closing video caused me to shed some tears. although I'm not reali close to any Nueve V main comm ppl, i reali appreciate the people who haf been ard me during that 5 days of camp. everyone kinda gotta noe each other beta due to the fact that we worked tgt as a main comm, doin all the shit work to ensure no hiccups..sleeping the latest. goin down to the sentosa chalets to check in b4 anyone else. being part of the R21 video directed and acted by derrick yong, lol. doin the most work at the same time getting the least limelight. i did enjoy all ur company.
F4LN- Friends For Life Nueve.

and i reali hope my jc frens would be frens for life too. i promised ruoning i wld be her bride's maid!!!
we just celebrated glenn's b'day ytd nite at phuture. not reali somewhere i wld wanna go to catch up with the gang. but i was reali happy that at last, at last all six of us could meet up, regardless of whether our other frens were ard...glenn, ruoning, alana, tingyan & roy, i <3 ur to bits. i reali hope we can meet up more often, ritually. i reali miss those JC days, sitting at the back row with ur has neva been on my regret list ((:

2mr is kanza's LIVE or DIE. OG of 4 generations coming tgt. i will live cauz i will control. but i know some are just going to die and i foresee mad guys smooching each other. lol.

i'm gone!

miss miss.

worn out.

2009-06-27T00:59:00.001+08:00
worn out.

totally worn out. tired from lack of sleep. over worked.

competing in the ultimate cleo challenge at cafe del mar later. join us there for some party and stupid stuff. argh, i'm so scared. 25 teams competing. shaz, xinni, ming xiu and me forming e team. hope it'll be fun :D:D:D

see ya for now and see ya at cafe del mar from 2pm till late ((: <3

i'm gone.

xoxo.

disappeared into thin air.

2009-06-21T22:15:00.007+08:00
after 1 month.

I realised i haven't blogged for 1 month. I'm just too lazy. and i just realised i stopped blogging ever since i started work. work at the cafe has been great & short. i worked only two weeks and went baq to sch lab to work, so i only work at cafe on saturdays now. lab is SO boring. i feel like i'm SLAVE DRIVEN. the post doc lady is a workaholic so she expects me n my junior to stay in lab till like 7+pm tgt with her?!? we get into lab ard 9+am? and i'm doing the SAME FREAKIN' THING in the lab everyday. separating compounds using a long column. so everyday i just wait there "patiently" for the compounds to drip out, drop by drop into conical flasks and evaporate the solvent, test the compounds using thin layer chromatography. eeeew, i will never aim to do my PHD. opportunity cost is high, really. well unless ur become a prof. which i tink i will fail at )): oh but i'll get to maybe stay in those bungalows in NTU. or maybe become a senior hall fellow in hall 6. HAHA!

i guess i haven't been really blogging in the earlier part due to this:

right after the chopper sunk its blade into my fingers.

its healing!

i was helping my mom chop carrots for her achar! she must have felt so guilty, lol. i just froze and stood there, not knowing what to do when the blood flowed out profusely. thank God my nails saved me ((: though its healed now, it still hurts when i press against my fingers. well at least i can stil blog. HAHA.
i admit, i am a lab hazard, destroying my post doc's compounds by tipping the contents into the water bath(its a no no for the compounds to touch water). i am a kitchen hazard too!

anyway, vainpot got me a soft toy, it was on sale, $9.90 only! say hello to matsumoto sunflower.

lemmi explain the origin of its name. the company that manufactured this soft toy is called matsumoto. vainpot says the colour resembles the colour of his favourite flower, sunflower. i pretty like the name matsumoto. therefore, its called matsumoto sunflower. ok, stop rolling ur eye balls at meeeee.

something which i don't do often now. but for ET's bday..this party queen still got the energy, seriously. all hail Queen E.

hall 6 again. haha.

HAPPY B'DAY QUEEN E.

part of the gang ((:

rave on.

i'm tired! 2mr, i'm gonna get slave driven again. bless me. and then i'm gonna watch I LOVE YOU, MAN. heard its nice. and i'm so gonna watch transfomers, argggh! drag me to hell was scarily funny. its not bad seriously, tho the audience spoiled the scary atmosphere by laughing non-stop -_- . ghosts of girlfriends past was a lil touching, alright for a movie.

bedtime i'm gone. i need to lose weight, actually, tone up. i'm sad. BYE.
(oh haha I LOVE YOU VAINPOT <3)

don't trust her.

something new.

2009-05-19T10:54:00.002+08:00
starting work today!

i'm starting work today at a cafe situated inside LASELLE. its called 15 Minutes. at 1 McNally Street, opp Sim Lim Square. come visit me if u haf time ((: it wld be my pleasure to serve u some nice coffee n tea + tasty treats. heee.

alright i shall take my leave. i dun wanna be late on my 1st day of work. i'm gone!

rolling in fats, as fast as i can!

livin' on the last few pennies.

2009-05-14T09:56:00.012+08:00
depleting one by one.

i'm on a movie marathon, at the theatres ((: watched wolverine, taken and horsemen recently. and i'm gonna watch angels & demons 2dae with brother paul n my dear mr wong :D

ohhh, i made zhong zi recently! i reali wrapped that 3- dimensional triangular thingy by myself ((: *beams. mom says, its rare to find ppl who reali noe how to wrap zhong zi dis days. heee, so am i a rare gem? (OGAYS KIDDING!)

its my 1st/2nd time reali wrapping these zhong zi. i tink its not bad right, for 1st attempt. kinda. yay, i can be part of the dragon boat festival a.k.a 端午节 where the traditional chinese ppl throw dumplings into e river so that the fishes (piranha?) wldn't feed on the Qu Yuan's body. Qu Yuan is a chinese scholar. ah ha, i feel so "back in my chineses roots" now.

sweet flavoured. i could take up to 15 min just to wrap 1 dumpling, damn lousy man.

salty flavoured. & i didn't noe we hadta boil the dumpling, fully immersed in water! luckily, none of my dumplings disintegrated. HEH.

haha, i bet Qu Yuan will think my dumplings are super TASTY. he will finish eating em b4 all the piranha :D

aniwae...HAPPY 21ST GRACE JIE MEI! many many years of friendship, since pri sch. rmb netball?! haha. and to my dearest jie meis, <3. ur haf been sucha blessing to me. i hope we'll still be meeting up when we're adults, pushing our baby prams, sipping tea and enjoying tasty treats.

old school.

the jie meis present <3 (ting n cor missing!)

the birthday gal!

the tribe has spoken.

ilu jie meis ((:

i'm living on my last few pennies, but when i see clothes, i still spend as tho' i'm so friggin rich. i tink i haf officially 200 bucks left in my bank account. haha. God Bless to me! met meee bestie on tuesday! it was superb. it was just like the old times. sigh, haven't shopped with ade in centuries. i spent close to 200bucks. stuff were mostly on sale, so there were many items :D we both bot boxers from river island for our boys. action hero comic strip! the boxer can act as a comic book. super cute((: with many stars too. haha. we were dead beat by the time we went back to her place....4 dinner!--> was yummilicious :D

ah bu bestie!

hmmm.

haha, finding nemo!

super lurvvvve dis retarded pic. i bet the bus commuters were tinkin' to themselves, "WAD RETARDS."
simply love tuesday shopping with bestie to the max!

on the tues nite, i attended my church fren father's funeral wake. the jade room at s'pore casket was sardine packed with his frens and relative, all there to offer their condolences to his family. he is a very dear fren to me. we used to be pretty close when i was still attending youth service religiously. the mood was pretty gloomy except for some smiles when ppl caught up with one another. he hadta fly back from aussie to attend to the funeral matters. as he came to greet me, tears just welled up my eyes as i gave him a warm hug of comfort. u cld see he was trying to stay strong, still laughing a lil, smiling and showing u dat he's alright with that constant nodding. but the sadness n pain in his eyes were evident. i felt so sorry 4 him, but i cldn't do much too. his father passed away so suddenly, in the hotel. he was climbing mt. kinabalu b4 dat. the autopsy revealed that he had a swollen heart,maybe heart attack. but nobody knew, cauz he was staying alone. its just so sudden n shockin', everything. the most i can do is to keep him in prayer. take care my dear fren.

i shall do up my resume n cover letter (YES, its suppose to be done long looooong time agooo) NOW.

i'm gone!

dreaming of chhhhh-chhhinnngg $_$

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

2009-05-10T14:41:00.010+08:00
jobless and penniless )):

hello! i'm back from crazyland. exams over since 2 weeks ago. i can't believe dis sem is OVER! zomg, the most xiong sem so far. its been a rough ride i say, but with some new study buddies (meech and matthias + adeline and eve sometimes)...w/o them, i wldn't haf survived dis tumultuous road. i din break down as often during dis exam period as compared to the past, but i can't believed i cried afta 2 papers. out of the 5 papers i took, 3 were smelly egg CRAP. the feeling of despair after walking out of the exam hall, indescribable. then i'll think to myself, well i wasn't very consistent in my studies dis sem (neva 4 all sems) but i dare say i studied the hardest dis time round. no choice i guess, since we had graded tutorials and weekly lab reports which took away so much time. plus stupid projects, not worth the time and effort. argh, let's just say, i'm relieved it's over. some quote: "tears dried, heart died." haha

been meeting up with lotsa ppl lately. happy happy!

with my CN Yang ppl. the smarty pants. me not included. HAPPY UBBER BELATED B'DAY, MOTHER JEREMY AND EVELYN!

the cake i baked for them ((: so ingenius of me to place gummy worms in btw the crack lines of the cake. HAHA. sticky gooey melty. but it was nice kay.

the bag we bot 4 eve's 21st ((:

with da fairfield guys. they are coming into uni, how eggciting. haha.

hall 6! post exams madness partayyy :D

K with xiu, yiling, benny, edo n alex last wk. we were liiterally jumpin' on the seats. sorry k-box, we stinked up n cracked ur sofa seats.

the white chicken me, went tanning on tuesday with my dear swee lee. believe it or not, its my 1st time tanning (properly) at the beach in a two-piece. not to mention, the sun was soooo good. its just summer love! hmmm, so it'll be ubber memorable for us? cauz it's he's 1st time, well, tanning proper at a beach. ((: HAHA, noobs. i tanned at the sch pool b4, twice. so i can actually count the number of times i went tanning. with lotsa sun-block! i dun wanna age dat fast. i was pretty freaked out by two tranny. i was inside cafe del mar's toilet cubicle when i started hearin voices which sounded like men. adam's apple alert. Me: "oh no, am i in the wrong toilet? Shit." came out to see too black tranny in bikini. haha, i was reali trying not to look at them with those fake silicon boobs. mine pale in comparison. LOL. we had ban mian for dinner and we didn't get darker from tanning )): must be the tonnes of sun block i applied.

on our way there. YAY, no more white chicken!

summer <3

1st time :D tanning tgt.

i hope to find a job soon, tho i just feel like just relaxing the hols away. Dad just got a pay cut, mom's not working, sis is saving up to further her studies and i still got a naughty younger sis who hates studying. things ain't gonna be easy from now.

have a little faith in me.

EXAMS.

2009-04-20T02:20:00.001+08:00
save me pleasieeee poo.

EXAMS HAVE STARTED. I END VERY LATE, LATER THAN MOST PPL. WILL BE BACK IN A JIFFY. I CAN'T WAIT TO MOVE HOME FROM HALL. YAY.

LOVE,
POCKY QUEEN.

have a break.

2009-03-29T20:09:00.008+08:00
have a break.

exams in two weeks. hmmm. u noe i have 3 deadlines this tues? 1 formal lab report, 1 unit ops assignment and my tech comm final report. on top on that my malay CA is on the SAME day and malay oral on friday. the following week i have oral presentation and two test. then it will be the exams the week after next. tell me i'm so DAMN ready for the exams. NOT. can't even start studying when there are so many deadlines to meet.

HEBE.

found sth random. my NYS OG HEBE ate at sizzler last year and the waiter was some uncle muthu ayam with curly oily hair. he spelled coke light as COCK LITE. hmmm, i'm wondering wads a cock lite... well, i shall not think further. haha.

can't see it. alright, zoom in.

i pray hard, again, that i can tide thru this exams.i find it so tiring. we're mugging all our lives to attain those desirable grades. sometimes, it seems so meaningless. i haven't really found anything satisfying in life. my dear fren timmy turban is playing his guitar in his up and coming band SIXX. its sth he like, he loves music, and they are travelling to SEA countries like m'sia and indonesia, performing gigs and wad so eva. i haven't really found myself. what i like. i have too many aspirations and dreams.

i like swimming and wanted to be a swimmer since young, but did not pursue competitive swimming in the end due to the fear of growing hideous muscles. i loved ballet since young. i watched swan lake on the tape my dad recorded for me till it kinda spoilt. but i quit after awhile cauz the female teacher was replaced by a male instructor. i didn't really liked the idea of a guy with uh-hem bulging outa his tights, teaching me how to dance in a tutu/leotard. i tot he was too gay to function. i like running but was always too lazy to train. I was in track & field in pri sch n X-country in sec sch but always lagged behind due to laziness and the lack of mental perseverance.
i joined choir in pri, sec sch, JC and participated in my church choir. but for all cases, i quit after a few days or months as I tot it was too boring. standing there, singing for hours..i just got restless and it was *yawnssss. i represented my sch in the anti-drug dance competition in sec 2, but weirdly there was no dance CCA back then..well not like i can move damn fabulously now, haha. oh, i can march. LOL i was in girl's brigade in sec sch. ogays, not like the army needs me to command their men in marching. i like fashion. i like to experiment. but i dun tink i have the guts to experiment crazily to make it big anywhere. i guess to really succeed one must have the talent. i live organising events but always get gan jiong. maybe i could be wedding planner?
i learnt how to play the piano cauz i was superbly inspired by my elder sis. sigh, i quit halfway cauz dad said i was too lazy, always not practising )): I played touch rugby in JC and i guess dats one of biggest achievements in my sch days as I made fab frens and we won medals along the way. but then again, we were very very lazy during trainings. no big thigh muscles, no thank you.
i like to do so many things but somehow i leave them hanging mid-way. i don't especially like sth. i am still, finding myself.

SATAY MAN. my fav. coach. the best coach. my best senior. u'll be dearly missed ((:

hall anni. dinner.

with my favourite gals and our part time boyfriend.haha.

my brother from another mother. paul-a-laul.

perky arse with her "most" favourite. <3 to infinity

on the route to nirvana.

ten things i wanna do now.

2009-03-23T01:32:00.003+08:00
ANXIETY.

exams in three weeks. playing catch up still. so much work, too lil time. i doubt i can survive. NO. i can't say i cannot. i cannot doubt Him. yes, He will be my strength. in those times where you feel helpless & hopeless, we rmb there's God. though its reali horrid of us to constantly forsake him, you noe he will neva forsake u. he neva gives up on u. neither do i wanna. ((:

TEN THINGS I WANNA DO. NOW

1. Give my bestie Ade a big hug and go MAD SHOPPING with her.
2. Get my driving license.
3. Leave on a jet plane to ANYWHERE except malaysia, indonesia & thailand.
4. Lose 4kg.
5. Go on a road trip with yiling & ming xiu & other hall frens!
6. Spend more time with my family esp my youngest sis MOI MOI :D
7. Burn all my notes & books.
8. Book a yatch and sail out into the deep blue ocean.
9. Spam all the buffet restaurants.
10. Go on a honeymoon with you.

can't you see i'm dying here?

going to heaven will be my 11th THINGS I WANNA DO. NOW.

what PMS?

2009-03-12T01:14:00.005+08:00
what PMS?

i've been in a very bad mood dis few days, getting irritated over the slightest things. feeling emo over nth or very small issues. depressed over exaggerated problems or for no reason. increase in blood pressure, dilating eye balls, heart palpitation. alright,kidding for the health symptoms. Paul told me to take things less seriously and not expect too much. just let go and i'll be happier. dat's my aim for dis week. exams in 4 weeks. i think i will make headlines for the 3rd suicide case in NTU. everyone loves to die.

roses for the dead. blood stained graffiti.

oh did u not noe, i cut my hair? the last time i had short hair was in primary sch. i am happy with my short hair though i was contemplating chopping of my long locks that reached the mid of my back. now i can save money on shampoo & conditioner, AS IF. i paid 188 bucks for my hair. lotsa riff riff random maintenance there. cld haf bot lotsa hair products with 188 bucks.
i'm gone, having a splitting headache.

love for this friend.

dear,lovin' u for six months and more.

werid dreams.

2009-02-23T21:14:00.005+08:00
doing back flips in my brain.

its gonna be a busy busy recess week. SIGH.

I had a weird dream ytd morn. I had breakie at 9am and decided to laze on the couch, before i knew it, i fell back into dreamland.
1st nightmare: my grandpa is chasing me crazily around the house, trying to beat me. physical abuse. my younger sis (moi moi) is super strong now, and is trying to break my ankle. i quickly fight with my mental to awake myself from such a horrible dream. i find myself staring at the piano and heave a sigh of relief after literally letting out a scream.
2nd nightmare: as your know, i'm pretty absent-minded and leave my things all over place w/o realising. hmmm, wow, i dreamt that i took up singing lessons ((: i'm sure lotsa ppl do not know that I was in choir in pri, sec sch and jc, just that i quit choir after a few days to join another more "active" cca. haha. i somehow meet gwendaline lee who is tgt with chan zhi yao (the weirdest combi u'll eva DREAM of from FMSS). my dearest boy is part-time working at the singing school as a taxi-stand boy, directing people to the taxi. heh, wad a 5 bucks per hour job. it kinda sounds lika hotel, cauz the singing sch is pretty atas. somehow i lose my bag which contains my personal belongings... hp & wallet etc. AGAIN? i wonder how many wallets and hp i must lose in my life, enough is enough. NO, not again?! phew, i wake up just in time for lunch. its. only. a. dream. Thank God, i see the piano again. Alright, time to eat. PIG.

i like to watch the korean drama boys before flowers. crazy madly deeply.

Hall 6 nite cycling!

thinking back, i still miss the groupie last year. the crazy mambos, chillax sessions, mad feasting. still reminiscing. ((: tim, daryl, kevin, titus, ur greatly missed.

the gals. or shall i say those with long hair? haha :D

wish i could see the sunrise every morning.

something to hope for.

love love love.

2009-02-16T03:32:00.010+08:00
love means a million things.

HAPPY LOVE DAY!! belated valentine's day.

valentine's day reminds me of the past. in sec sch n jc, i baked choc chip cookies or made lil cards/gifts for my sch frens. it was reali fun then, i loved doin' them for my frens. it was lovely receiving lil gifts from them. haha, when u were single and just havin one of those singles outing on v'day. reminiscing bout the past makes me feel so nostalgic... i realise uni ppl generally dun reali practise it now. as in, bein' cute n so sweet, they just buy flowers from those make-shift stalls. last year, tim edwin kevin tits surprised us gals yiling xiu me with a rose at the struck of midnite on v'day. it was so sweet & totful of them. i spent v'day with my two brudders raymond n yuqi last yr. it was singles nite out with a fab pigggnic at some deserted grace patch. but dis year's different. everyone seemed to haf moved on with wadeva they r doing. in a way, i would say, v'day in those naive & innocent terms has lost its meaning. i dun even haf time to bake or make lil gifts for my sch mates. come to tink of it, its quite sad. and when you tot u understood the meaning of love n v'day.

i gotta spend v'day with a very very special person in my life this year. so special that i feel like some idiot sometimes.

@ 2am dessertbar. ((: sweet sugar candy level to the max.

12 means... you haven't fulfilled it yet. haha.

ilu.

you're my everything.

2009-02-13T10:49:00.002+08:00
you're my everything when i think of you.

[just a pretty song by lee ryan]

You're my past, my future
My all, my everything
My six in the morning when the clock rings
And I open up my eyes to a new day
My laughs, my frowns
My ups, my downs
It's a feeling that you get
When you know that something's true
When I think of love I think of you

I'm looking at you while you're sleeping here beside me,
Oh, mere words can't explain the love I have inside
Its more than just a physical thing, I know
Its something like spiritual connection
I feel it in my soul, heart and mind

The sweetest thing is what you are
From you I'll never be to far,
Please say forever you will stay beside me

You're my past, my future
My all, my everything
My six in the morning when the clock rings
And I open up my eyes to a new day
My laughs, my frowns
My ups, my downs
It's a feeling that you get
When you know that something's true
When I think of love I think of you

Your beautiful like the colours of the rainbow
Warm hearted like the rays of the sun on a summer day
And I got to do is look in to your eyes to lose myself
You're the substance of my dreams, epitomy of woman
The only one I truly call mine

The sweetest thing is what you are
From you I'll never be to far,
Please say forever you will stay beside me

You're my past, my future
My all, my everything
My six in the morning when the clock rings
And I open up my eyes to a new day
My laughs, my frowns
My ups, my downs
It's a feeling that you get
When you know that something's true
When I think of love I think of you

Oohh when I think of love, I think of you
Baby I love you, baby I need you

yes that's what i hope i can say to you.

your's sweetly.

crazy crazy.

2009-02-10T02:13:00.002+08:00
i am a crazy woman.

3 quizzes next week. tell me tell me, am i not to go crazy and die of stress. besides the 3 quizzes i have weekly lab report to submit. each lab report takes about 5 hrs of my bloody time. and there's tech comm proposal to complete. this sem is the worse of all sems, i swear. oops, i'm not suppose to swear. i wanna go baq to sec sch, i wanna go baq to jc. gimme gimme time machine.

i met the most wonderful gal in my life on sunday ((: adeline yeong mun yan! n shir pig n their parents n timmy&chryzzz n their parents too. we had a yummy konichiwa lunch at a cute kamikaze restaurant. unagi side dish & oyaku don w' miso soup :D
sunday started of well due to a good ending saturday. IH swimming was fab dis year. the gals did exceptionally well, big improvement in timings :D we got silver for both 4x50m breaststroke & freestlye evens. guys did well too, 3rd for both events. we got 4th for medley. nice one hall 6 ((:

feeling the fever "seeping" in steadily into my body. the heat, the fatigue...i'm gone.

12 roses 12 roses 12 roses 12 roses 12 roses. ((:

5th month

2009-02-05T01:14:00.003+08:00
my world goes round and round the merry go round.

Harrppiiee 5th month baby <3

have not reali been blogging. LAZY. all's fine, just the heavy workload. this is the worse sem out of my entire life in uni(according to seniors). heaviest workload, crazy assignment deadlines and many many quizzes. wish me all the best as i try to conquer another torturous semester. the tumultuous road ahead will cause my death eventually. wish me all the best and God bless me. it doesn't help that i'm fallin' sick now and my freakin wisdom tooth has grown outa my gums and the pain is excruciating. it hurts with every bite of food i take and i can't open my mouth dat wide. seriously, it hasta grow RIGHT AFTER i take off my braces. noe wad? i rather metal in my mouth. braces pls, i opt outa the wisdom tooth scheme.

how long can i hold on, how long can i last, how long can i go before i fall, _______

merry christmas.

2008-12-25T00:37:00.000+08:00
BLESSED MERRY HOHOHO CHRISTMAS! <3

sigh! as much as i hate it, i'll be off to malacca on christmas day, which is today, in 2+ hours! no sleep! argh. ade's gone off to KL/ipoh alr. hopefully i'll smell her fart along the road she's travelled on. HEH. i hope everyone will b very happy this christmas ((: love and thanksgiving and sharing ((: hearts many many my dear friends xoxo. off from 25th-27th! :D

dedicated to my dearest ade.
thank u for so many years of frenship since K2.
thank God dat we finally gotta noe each other properly in sec 2.
thank u for bein there 4 me when i'm down n under.
thank u for mugging with me till nite time in jc.
thank u for always letting me KOPE ur food.
thank u for always bein so hospitable when i'm over at ur place.
thank u for those fab shopping trips.
thank u for lending me dat listening ear when i need it n telling me ur probs when ur feeling down.
thank u for making 19th dec of every year free for my b'dae ((:
thank u for bein so sweet n concerned for me.
thank u for all ur sweet lil gifts and prezzies thru out these years.
thank u for joining touch rugby with me in jc.
thank u for all those movie marathons and binge-out sessions.
thank u for being you, adeline yeong mun yan.
thank u bestie and there's nth more i can ask for than a great fren like you.

so looking forward to high tea with you ten years down the road ((: <3

thanks u sweets ((:

loveeeesssss.

whhheeee :D

thank u my dearssss + zhen for dat gd time evening at botanic gardens on my b'day. it was great catch up plus chillax. ((:
and dear, thanks for coming down rite afta u came baq from KL. it was all huggles snuffy seeing u <3

the next day... the day didn't end all well. i wouldn't deny dat i was disappointed. it was just a horrid day. things just went downhill. but i'm glad its settled for now. it just got beta last nite ((: i guess sometimes i should focus on less trivial matters and on the happy moments :D it will get beta, won't it? ((:

at farmart feeding the animals! <3

the goat who seemed a lil dumb n stupid.haha.

cute lil wabbits!

fish spa. please eat up all my dry skin NOW.

rocky's pizza yum yum!

21st dec'08

05S17 christmas gathering! it's good to noe dat my jc class still meet for such occasions. congrats to mr & mrs ling on their 1st born baby. i tink i haf some motherly instincts after carrying baby clara. HUR HUR. i tink i'll make a fab mother! no, but i dun wanna give birth,haa.

22nd was meet up with jie meis and then zhen's christmas party. lotsa catching up lately (b4 stupid sch starts). i tink i was the joke of the party. i was reaching out my hands to feel if i was gonna walk into the glass door at zhen's place, but b4 i knew it, i banged rite STRAIGHT into the glass door. poor me, not onli did everyone laugh at me, they re-enacted the scene and started banging into the glass door on purpose. )): worse, it was ade's FASS frens, i din noe more than half of them. ARGH, they must haf tot wad a retarded fren ade has. n i recevied a "hideous" (thank you bright ong for the prezzie, lol) prezzie during gift exchange. a blackie face mask. i was forced to wear it infront of everyone )): i'm fated to be the butt of most jokes for life.

jie meis <3

meet black bright the face mask.

((:

the duck cushy i got for ah bu!

weather all nice n cool and i just had family steamboat for christmas eve dinner. Swee brot over yummy egg tarts n choc swiss roll. ARGH, i can see my waistline growing and foresee it ballooning in malacca. rolly polly alert!

family steamboat!

OFF TO SHOWER, NAP AND DEN ROAD TRIP TO MALACCA! bye everyone, miss me and blessed christmas.

makes me wonder, ponder, reflect and reconsider whether everything was right from the very beginning. it will be right.

thank u everyone

2008-12-21T00:33:00.006+08:00
THANK YOU EVERYONE for being so sweet ((: <3

i'm not a girl, not yet a woman.

haha, stupid britney spears song. sigh, i'm officially not a teenager. i'm twenty years old alr. sadness.

reali appreciate the effort from my dear frens ((: super touched yeah :D i love ur loads ((:

HAPPY BEEEDAY ZHILING, RACH CHEONG, SERA, HUIYI & ME! ((:

shopping with yiling then paul joined us for the nite. pleasant muddy mud pie(MMP) surprise at coffee club ((: i love MMP!! thank u my dear sweets. we watched midnite movie twilight. fab. ultra romantic and self-sacrificial love. i wan a vampire boyfriend. dear, go turn into a vampire. haha.

muddy mud pie ((:

hall besties <3

with the hall ppl again. thank u! i liked my wed dinner n supper.

thank u yiling, ming xiu, paul, edwin, jie yu, wei min <3

my gals.

hall six :D

ah huat is crazy baby.

weeeee.

will upload more pics in my next entry. cam whoring has neva gotten beta.

THANK YOU meifang `lil chick, jie yu, jia hui, zaiton, xinni, cheong yiling, ah pok, tong ming xiu & zann for e toilet surprise((: was reali very very touched <3

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR ALL E BURF DAY WISHES whether thru SMS, phonecall, face to face or msn. i reali appreciate it ((: its reali sweet of all of ur. haha, reali. <3<3<3 ((:((:((: LOVE.

welcome baq. but i neva meant for the nite to end like that. to see those tears roll down ur cheeks. it felt just lika dream. i wish it was.

every minute, every hour. every second.

2008-12-15T02:06:00.002+08:00
every minute, every hour. every second.

he's gone to KL for AUG (Asean Uni Games). went off on the 10th. back on the 19th, my burf dayy nite )):
i miss u dear.

i'm dreading THAT day.

jaded.

2008-12-09T15:44:00.005+08:00
fragile rose.

HAPPPPY BURRRF DAY BESTIE. ADELINE YEONG MUN YAN, AH BU, ADELANTE, ADE, AH BU LA LANG. I'LL SPEND EVERY BEEE DAY WITH U. LIKE ALWAYS, LIKE FOREVA. LIKE NEVA, ((: I LUV U BABEEE.

imma sooo happy n delighted with the new Canon IXUS 80IS momsie got as my 20th beee day prezzie in advance :D:D eggcited! harrrpinesss. wheee.
thank chiu mom the great, lub u to bit n molecules! so follow me on my cam-whoring journey now with more eye candies in store (hmmm, i hope so, haaa).

watched quantum of solace and body of lies e last few days with the boy, eating lotsa sinful lipid-fied food everyday. stop feeding me so well! ARGH. pls dun abandon me one day when i grow fatter (the day i even reach chubbiness will never happen. PLEASE) ((: u see i din use the word fat. lol. alright, i sound obssessed but just see what i eat and u'll tink i'm on my route to obesity. hee. random, the facial and waxing that day was ooohh hoo. ur shld go try waxing.

wednesday nite was hilarious. thanks to meifang n jieyu, we gotta cut queue. cutting the queue was the most eggciting as we hadta squeeze thru a small gap in btw the barricade while the eyes of the bouncers were lookin' hard on queue cutters. HEH HEH, so we were pretty much in front while the whole of zouk was damn bloody crowded. mind u, i reached at 8:35pm but there were hordes of ppl there queuing. madness. i was just pretty much laughing the whole nite, cauz meifang n her fren were crazy, dope.

the lil chick who got high the whole nite just on 1/2 jug long island. lol.

jc peeps.

HAHAHA.

to the gal i treasure most in hall: i miss the good old days with u my gal.

hello ladies ((:

gd to see you nicholas((: the norty big bro who brot his under-aged bro in.

nite of revelry n mayhem.
keep me giggling on yeah.

how nice, a good family dinner outside eva since dunno how mani donkey years ago?! to celebrate yours truly beee day, in advance.. sweeet ((: its just that my family wasn't very close initially (not that we're v close now but closer?) we don't usually do "family stuff" tgt. but eva since i went into uni and stayed in hall, my r/s with my parents got better and i kinda let go of the grudges i had against my Dad for obvious reasons. i learnt to forgive and forget. after all, he's my Dad, we're humans, we do make mistakes right? i tot i would neva get over whateva he did or said to me in the past. it hurt, emotionally, physically and mentally. but i guess, maybe i matured, i grew up along the way and learnt that blood is thicker than water..this is the best thing i shld/can do. ((:

them.

Philadelphia fish n chips!

seafooood platter slurp slurp.

thank u ((:

blood.

alright, i tink my grandpa is DAMN cute. he gave me an ang pao. (see below) For security reasons, he stuck a sticker with his name and address on the ang bao. i don't know for wad reason, maybe its a mark of identification that HE gave me the ang bao. but i tink its hilarious, if ani stranger picked up the ang bao the likelihood of him/her returning the ang bao to my grandpa is 0.0000001%. lol. cute.

muahahaha.

i'm in the festive mood. too bad i'm not gonna celebrate christmas in s'pore. like ZOMG rite. )): oh man. no more santa claus. argghh riiiffff. i'm dreaming of planting my own pine trees and reindeer. but i'll be of in malacca driving past rubber trees and seeing malays on the streets. gonna pray hard for a FAB christmas and 20th birthday ((: but somehow, i feel a lil doubtful. sighhh.

santa baby.

its done and over.

2008-12-07T23:33:00.003+08:00
its done and over.

EXAMS were officially last last thur 27/11. so i zipped outa hall hurriedly in the car, off to dinner with my family. a every semester "tradition" where i'll spend dinner right after the last paper with my family. watched quantun of solace with the boy afta my last paper. hmmm, numerical computational methods, let's just say the paper was actually alright but i made an unforgivable mistake which i would seriously NOT ever in my life tink of, cauz i could do the qns. wadeva, its OVER. brrrr.

friday 28/11 partyworld with the cn yang CBE peeps. to be frank, i've neva K so crazily b4. yes there were mad times where we'll sing loudly n shout n scream. but dis one is with ranging emotions, feelings, actions and sofa bouncing. hmmm, we reali did use our voice n diaphragm anyways. siqi, chee yang, evelyn, meech, wahyu n mun ling, thanks for the help ur extended to me dis past 3 semesters, i wldn't have survived w/o ur, my studies wld haf been worst off. <3<3<3

wahyu is our jay chou n wang lee hom for the day.

the near 5-pointer smarty pants.

emo mo mo fello mello.

SIQI!

them.

then we headed over to ECP for the CN Yang BEE BEEE QQQQ which started pretty late ard 7+-8-ish pm. we weren't reali in da mood to feast cauz it was quite sian. let the peeektures do the tokin' then.

tongue tied.

there with me for my last 3 sems ((:

close ur mouth!

wahyu n eve ((:

thanks for ur brain cells ppl!

saturday. met the gang in the nite for western at ASTONS (pretty good recommendation from cheak). long time no seee my lovely retards! well, same old ppl who treat me lika blonde bimbo harassing me all the time when they catch no balllll from my great intellectual words. brrrrr.
too bad glenn n ruo ning cldn't miss us. they must be having a GREAT lovely time as lub birds in genting, HOTELS, HUR HUR.

i luv u ah lian :D

pre army and post army. wads the diff? haha.

the boy <3 <3 ((:

my fooodilicious black pepper chicken which can trash atas reataurants.

cheak n roy roy!

i'l update soon again! ((:

i tot ur reali cared, but its as tho' i'm always left pickin' up the broken pieces, salvaging what's lost. it's been like dis all the while, i tot i wld neva feel it again afta i left JC and tot i'l getta know a new meaning to the word "friendship". but i guess, maybe i was never really taken seriously or appreciated by ur. that makes me a bad fren, rite? i feel jaded. sometimes i reali wonder why i care so much.

the way that i love you

2008-11-24T14:02:00.000+08:00
the way that i love you.

because love is a love hate relationship.

you're like the world that matters to me.

aiming to rectify all the fine lines visible to the naked eye.

love and hate. how can two words from two different ends of the spectrum co-exist together.

because they do, that's why that very person is the center of your world.

the complexity of it all.

november pain, december misery.

2008-11-22T11:01:00.003+08:00
november pain, december misery.

last thur thermo paper. if a person just banged on past yr papers n din study a shit, he cld stil do better than me. when i expected so much from thermo, not dat i mugged super ubber hard for it. but if the freakin prof is darn lazy and just took the questions WHOLESALE from ONE past yr paper n thin the marks allocation by adding in one more qns than usual, then wads the point of studying the notes when one could just spend one day on past year papers? then uni is just crap, just to get a degree in black n white, yeah i guess it was meant to be that way aniwae.. oh maybe, i'm complaining cauz the paper was easy but i cldn't complete a derivation qns when i act had the printed ans to dat qns. then the bell curve wun be in my favour.

uni is bull shit reali. ur GPA seriously doesn't determine ur calibre (for some ppl). the week dat just passed, i had FOUR holy cow papers. monday math, tues are you ok mental health which i din haf time to complete my essays and i was actually prepared and calm b4 da paper, but due to some unforeseen circumstances, nvm its over. thur fluids and quantum mechanics, the two KILLER papers which slaughtered me ruthlessly. i was just speechless after the paper cauz i felt i just blanked out during the paper, felt prepared 4 fluids act. mind block n exam stupidity i say, given that it was an open book but i still left the pages blank when i should have just vomited the formulas, SERRRiously. how silly can i get? ARGH. haf been having a splitting headache the entire wk, it got so bad that even panadol and sleep wasn't the remedy. mom came to fetch me on that very dreadful thur nite. ((: hommmme, i had ah lian been hoon for supper :D
nth beats home seriously, my heads n brain is feeling beta now. no place like home ((: but i'm going baq hall soon, younger sis is irritating the blood outa me. blood boils, nerves break.

i got so mani activities planned ahead. but suddenly i dun reali look forward to december. sigh. nah, i should be happy december is approaching. but i dun reali wanna go cameron highlands on Christmas?! i wanna spend christmas here )): mom was tinking of going to Vietnam to play or Sumatra for Dad's fren wedding. but argh, Dad says Vietnam is boring. nvm. oh freils. i feel lika whiny bitch afta ranting on all this gibberish.

i shall take my leave. i still have one more paper but i've slacked for two days. baaahhh. today is the 3rd day, n i'm still slacking. ogays. byeeee.

God knows when i'll go bonkers when depression sets in.
alright, kidding.

Things to look forward to:
happy 3rd month sweets ((: <3
class 05S17 Christmas gathering
THE GANG bdae cele the gals (US three december babiessss!!!) and the great big pea.
more time spent with ade n shir-pig too!
meet up with andre? MUST.
jie mei meet up? my turn, ur missed my 19th last yr )):
sec 4D chilllaxxx david, sydney, cai, ret, kenneth, tiff ting. pls meeeeet.
cn yang ppl bbq. yummm.
k-box session with chee yang, siqi, jeremy, wahyu, meech, munling, jeremy.
farewell meal for chee yang n siqi b4 they leave for da US.
shopathon with goh yiling.
touch rugby with my crazy rogues gals! dump, pick, switch, TRY. can't wait i tell u to slip into my boots, to run on that very field we ran on 2+ years ago, tgt.
a happy christmas?
happy 20, no more teenhood, its alright, i stil feel young deep inside ((:
dawnie come back soon )):
meet up with dorcas DORKIE b4 she heads baq to aussie.
go back to church.

tell me, do tell me that i'm reminiscing about the lovely beautiful past. As my life n months in uni fly pass like shooting stars, i realise i dun haf much time left in the academic world of mugging. u tot mugging to get good grades was bad. but the working world is much WORSE. politics and bitch fits. sch is bad enuff at times, the real world is much much horrendous. i must treasure my time left in uni, tho of cauz, i wish everything was simpler, when everyone was more pure n innocent. haha, could life get any beta dis way? i wonder..

looks like some new year resolution. HA. alright, pocky queen will take her leave now. ((: XOXO everyone ((: <3 i miss all u to bits n molecules k. all u mentioned here. just to let ur noe, how impt ur are in my life, reali. i noe exams haf totally taken away my social life, but i neva forget ur. its just i reali haf no time with exams n hall stuff, my hands are full.

december misery?

happy 2 mths

2008-11-07T11:11:00.003+08:00
the reason why my world goes round.

harrppiieee donut for all the dying brain cells. ((: ((: ((:

exams start on 13th and officially end on the 27th nov FOR ME. it'll be a long one for me as compared to others who end earlier )): but i've got lotsa activities lined up for myself afta the exams, DECEMBER BABY HERE I COME :D there's my CNY class bbq, Hebe OG bbq, k-box with some CNY frens, meet up with brudders afta raymond is baq from beijing, MEET UP WITH ADE, ADE & MY BURRFFDAY! meet up with jie meis ((:, meet up with sec 4D ppl, THE GANG. argh. many many.

as of now, i'm pretty in a black mood. pissed off with myself as i am super unproductive in my mugging and i feel lika sloth, doesn't help dat the lappie distracts me with online shopping. heh. oh man. oh wells..

i need to mugg harder. i can, must, will )):

saw dis in the newspaper dat day while slacking in paul's room. hur hur hur!

you noe, i tink its so amusing. wong swee lee, dis is DAMN funny. the boy's a wanted criminal. i didn't know he's DAT short too. HAHA, i tink u'll kill urself if u were dat heavy too. oh man, i tink ur offence wld be kidnapping me. LOL. rofl. luckily ur surname isn't SNG.

05/11/08 happy 2th month HUN. it wasn't easy with all those ranging emotions in us. in fact sometimes it seemed so bizarre and emotionally draining. but no one said it was gonna be easy. but we made it some how and will for many more months and counting. ilu and will neva let u go. ♥^∞ xoxo.

ps. wad a harrppie surprise ((:

ur one and only ____

사랑해. 11:11.

2 more weeks to domms dae

2008-10-29T03:33:00.002+08:00
dooms dae

random: i got a sudden fetish for CARROT JUICE. i love the taste of it. i love its bright orange-y colour. i love the fact that it MAY improve my eye sight. i love that it kinda (psychologically) helps me shit. heh. i love it cauz its associated with the good natured rabbits. i love sugar free carrot juice ((:

i swear by marigold (packet one tastes nicer than the peel fresh carton version) and pokka ((: no sugar added, i hope. no melamine too :D hopefully miraculously one day i won't have to wear contact lenses after drinking tonnes n tonnes of carrot juice. HAHAHA.

corlissa impressed upon me this bible verse.

matthew 6:25-34

For all those who are worrying out there, worrying about anything especially ur studies, find comfort in Him. He will neva forsake you, He will pull you thru' all any tumultuous path u meet. I've been so frustrated lately, taking so long to do my work, its getting on my nerves cauz it makes me feel like an idiot. i wonder wad went wrong to my brain along my route to uni. i seems as tho studying ain't my cuppa tea anymore. give me some motivation to finish my 2+ more years in uni )): i need to SHOP, i wanna SHOP, i wanna do manicure, pedicure, go getta goooood massage. i want...

Verse 33: But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Verse 34: Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

exams in two weeks? how now brown cow?

hopeless, helpless?

freak.

2008-10-24T02:48:00.001+08:00
i just wanna scream.

i just need to let it out. i just need to scream. i got no time. i'm pretty cashless at the moment n still hafta pay for some stupid fees. rolls eyes* i feel so drained, tired. tired from all the social activities that i feel obliged to. oh why the hell do i care. but i stil do in the end. question: when can i just freakin' get my arse down to some serious mugging? like what the hell.

you noe, i'm so damn scared.

i need to study.

2008-10-22T02:34:00.004+08:00
needs to study. HARD.

Harrppieee Burfdayy my boy ((: twenty-two years old already. haha, i'm stil nineteen. hopefully, mani more bee daes to come ((: ilu.

Happy Birthday to all the October babies. It seems as tho EVERYONE in hall 6 or ard me is born in OCTOBER. zomg. Hall 6 October babies, DAMN ALOT.

hall 6 year twos ((:

21 yr old bee dae boy flanked by blk 34 gals.

Happy HarPPIIIEE Beee DAE to Darras, Paul, Ah Boon, Big Alex, Jing Lun, KT, Ying li, Natt, Benny, Charlotte Lim, Jie Mei Gwen ((: ((: :D

Exams in three weeks time. Hmmm, i tink i'm reali quite screwed. I haven't started, and lectures are not ending anytime soon.

everything's so fast paced. even the steps i take are so quicky. wish for everything to slow down. but, no sense of urgency. dats crap shit for me as dats wad i need. i'm not used to it. i don't tink i belong here. it feels that they are the cream of the crop, the appleS(plural) of "their" eyes(plural). i just neva felt dat i could remain here any longer and hope dat someday i could just do something i reali enjoyed. but, well, when did ppl livin here eva did aniwae.
oh how i wish someday those who appreciate others will get appreciated too. it just doesn't seem to be a two way thing and i don't understand why. why is it happening to some of my dear frens? those who do more receive less. hmmm, mayb their bonuses are left in heaven. Then i wish to be in heaven soon.

21st oct'08

happy 22nd <3

siloso beach's fireworks at work.

hearts many.

nite pigggnic.

slow down my world.

and many more months to come.

2008-10-08T03:17:00.001+08:00
and many more months to come ((:

exams in 5 more weeks. erpps. sigh. studies LAGGing like shit. damn damn baddd. argh. sigh, i sae dis every semester... i'm so sick of this. sick of doing catch up in my studies. sick of feeling sorry for myself. sick of disappointing my mom. sick of feeling that i'm not honouring HIS word, not following The path HE paved for me. sick of feeling that i can do so much more, do much better, am worth so much more... than the grades i'm getting. sick and tired of being sick n tired. freak. full stop.

i had Hokkaido bun for breakie, Mc'Donalds for lunch, choc bar for tea, chic rice for dinner, choc muesli bar & 1/2 a big bag of ruffles for supper. EEEW. FATS is all i can tink of afta mentioning all the shit food i ate. i MUST curb my mad eating habits. and just busted 256 bucks on online shopping plus a pair of river island shoes )): HIATUS.

random. but. i. must. mention this.
PPL THAT I MISS AND WANNA MEET: ADE, ANDRE HE, THE GANG, JIE MEIS, SARAH LOW, SHIRLENE YEONG, UNCLE & AUNTY YEONG.

part of the gang :D

i met GEN 2dae 4 lunch ((: she gave me cute lil bear shaped pasta from italy and a lovely wooden complicated box. pretty pretty. but she's flying baq to London dis wkend )): I miss my outside world. i miss my "last time" frens. unlock me from the shackles of NTU Hall Six. haha.

happy one month my boy...and many more months to come <3 ((: 05/10/09

the reason why i'm smiling widely ((:

Made In China.

2008-09-27T14:56:00.000+08:00
Made In the AH-TIONG island.

Silang — House of Steamed Potato — Potato Cracker

I've been eating this house of steamed potato cracker thing like mad cakes for the pass two semesters (one entire year, 12 months, 365 days.ZOMG) haven't ate it for pretty long tho. *phew. And now reports say that traces of MELAMINE are found in the house of potato cracker. ZOMG. dat means, my body contains crap load of melamine?!? Consuming too much melamine causes kidney stones i.e. difficulty in urinating. four ppl in china have died so far after developing kidney stones. so far so good for me, still healthy and protected under the hands of God ((: HAHA. alright. i reali hate the AH-TIONG island. always coming up with funny things, making the whole world topsy turvy n smello. rmb the char siew bao incident where dey video-ed down the process of workers adding cardboard pieces into the baos. zomg. it was all just an act. and there's stories of the ah tiongs livin in NTU hostels, microwaving their underwears. EEEWWW. clowns..

maybe we shld try to show more love for ppl of other nationalities. brrrr. then maybe they will not add melamine into their milk animore, killing the innocent. for now, its MARIGOLD or DAISY HI-LO ((:

where is the love?

crazy crazy.

2008-09-25T19:45:00.002+08:00
crazy crazy.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GOH YILING, EDWIN TAN a.k.a. MR HALL 6 VICE PRES!!! ((: to my two dear frens, i reali treasure ur loads ((: <3 many many.

3 quizzeeesss afta recess week. eeew. i hate quiz. i'm sucha goner 4 dat. i'm not quite done with my muggin. great, its alr thursday nite. WTH.

and i've been having very very bad slp lately. insomnia...damn lack of slp. my internal organs feel as tho they're gonna explode any time. i feel as tho i'm ageing exponentially )): some olay total effects or bioskin maybe. as if.
met the gang last sat. was reali great meeting up with all of em. we attended ruo ning's dance troupe performance at victoria's concert hall. artsy fartsy dance i say. den we chilled out at starbucks and home club later on. i will neva drink on an empty stomach again. argh.

everything else is pretty fine. except my studies. boo. sometimes i wonder why those ppl who put in so much effort to appreciate others are not appreciated in return. they're just forgotten. its so unfair. i dun understand why is it like dat. isn't it a two way thing? i just wish they were more thoughtful and appreciative. sometimes i feel like an idiot too, if u understand why...
did i mention? i love surprises! but i love to surprise ppl even more ((: random.

((:

AWON on sunday. yay! but it made me lao sai )):

the four old birds.

Cause here's my promise made tonight
You can count on me for life
Cause that's when I love you
When nothing you do could change my mind
The more I learn the more I love
The more my heart can't get enough
That's when I love you
When I love you no matter what

That's when I love you
When nothing baby
Nothing you do could change my mind
The more I learn the more i love
The more my heart can't get enough
Thats when I love you
When I love you
No matter what

No matter what

with you.

rocky road.

2008-09-15T19:41:00.005+08:00
rocky road.

its been a long time since i last blogged. have been so so damn bee zee. its been two weeks since hall 6 DnD. it was great. seeing all my pageant babies going up on stage after all their hard work, i really felt very proud of them, they all did very well! it has been a fulfilling experience for me. after all the committee members put in so much effort into this DnD/pageant, its finally over :D the nite was MAD too. so much on going action during the after-party. i tink hall 6 ppl r mad. dblO drinks are dirt cheap and we had damn damn a lot of free drink coupons. woozy kids ((: sigh, the event was pretty nostalgic some wad, reminded me of last yr when all of us were on stage. ah wells, seeing them on stage while standing at the sidelines, i couldn't help but smile n grin from ear to ear. i'm so proud of all of your! ((:

i tink history is repeating itself, uni is a point where i've neva felt so bad bout myself in the academic aspect. dis sucks seriously but i've got no choice but to swallow this big fish ball for another 3 years. pls help the uni brain dead. mid terms this week and afta recess week. ARGH.

a very close fren of mine penned down this letter, this reflection on her thoughts(see below). it got me all sad and emo dat i was moved to tears. i felt so touched by her thoughtfulness and sacrificial love for this guy whom she neva tot she wld like. unrequited love. well, mayb not unrequited but a love she felt that was impossible. i understand exactly wad she is going thru now as i've been thru dis ordeal not too long ago. its still fresh in my mind but of the past as i can only look forward to the future with him ((: but as a close fren, i felt sad that this is happening to her. why her? she has such a kind heart and thoughtfulness which doesn't appear all cotton-candy sweet but is so sugary in the most secretive way, like your secret angel guarding you from behind the scenes. be strong my gal, its not worth it. you will definitely find a guy who will truly treasure and appreciate you for who you are, your heart, your character, yourself. we'll always be there for you no matter what. be strong.

and her story makes me wanna cherish him even more.it already seemed impossible, but somehow, a miracle... its been a super rocky start for us. but for all the tears i've cried for you, all the heartache i went thru, all the ambigutiy, dat one year, i'll persevere. i'll cherish you for as long as i can. dat only unique gal of urs <3

Her words, her thoughts, her heartfelt feelings:

I can’t put any words to it. This feeling, like butteflies in my stomach, a nausea feeling. So weird. Painful. Confusing. Hurting.
I won’t go so far to say that I am bleeding inside. But I am hurting. I did not know what to expect. I had no idea how it would be like and now that I am experiencing it, I had absolutely no idea how to handle.
What can I say after liking someone for who he really is? Till the very last bit of what he has, I embrace it all. Without any qualms or doubts, my subconscious-ness gave my heart away. The first time and the first one. He secured it. In a manner I myself never expect. I don’t expect reciprocity on his part. I hope for acknowledgement of some sort, as which girl can love him so much and so complete as I did. As I love every single aspect of him. His shortcomings and inadequacies I could no longer remember.
He is not perfect and will never be. But I let him in. I guess this is what they call love. I don’t expect him to feel the same. As long as he is happy, and whatever happens, I would want to keep that smile on his face. I gave you up so easily. I did not fight on because I want u to be happy. Please do. Be happy. And I will not regret my decision.
I cried so many times. What can I say after liking someone for the first time and so much? But things will not always go my way. I know that. Maybe God has a better plan for me. I know it is dumb to cry over you but somehow, right now, my tears seem worthless compared to you.
You chose her over me. That is your choice. I have no complaints. I don’t blame you at all. I think I like you too much. I just hope everything turns out right for you. I hope she is the right girl and deep down, she is the girl you always wanted.
Dumb. Some may say. But I have made this decision. I hope someone will appreciate and love me for who I am. Meanwhile, all I seriously hope for is for you to be happy. I will get over you. It is tough I know, hard and painful. But I will. I want to see you and still be able to smile and assure myself and say this with conviction: ‘ U make the right choice girl’.
Now, I am ending this with a full stop. This will put an end to the chapter. Easy to say but hard to fulfil. But I trust I will. It may not be soon but one day I will and when it happens, my tears will not be for you anymore. It will come out again but not for you, but for myself, and someone who is worth more for me to weep for.
Smile. Smile and let me know I make the right choice. I am going to end this now. And when I’m done, this is when and where I will move on.
Full-stop.

3.40am
15 September 2008

i love you. 05/09/08 <3

the leopard never changes its spots.

2008-08-17T13:27:00.003+08:00
the leopard never changes its spots.

when you always had the impression dat ur close frens will stand by you and lend their helping hand in most situations, they fail u and dat leaves you in a load crap of disappointment. dats what i'm feeling right now. maybe thats why i chose to distant myself from you after being blinded for several months to only realise that somehow you haven't reali changed. But I gave you too much benefit of doubt. onli to realise it myself when its a lil too late and frens givin me advice onli afta the whole picture is revealed to me. i bet frens ard me will tink i'm too stupid, naive, gullible, overly trusting of frens ard me, not wary enuff. wadeva. yes, i do feel damn stupid cauz if i realised my folly sooner, a lot of things cld haf been reversed and well, less regrets..
my greatest regret was ___. someone I shldn't haf ignored throughout that period of time. but i guess its all over, we move on, we leave the past behind us. painfully or happily. u noe sometimes they sae, mistakes don't wait for. they can't be undone.
i'm just so glad i have a bunch of frens i can reali depend on, who haf been quietly supporting me. thank you, i'm reali touched by all ur care n concern.
pics from a couple of mths ago. yes thank you. ((:

2nd week of sch is over. super lagging behind in tutorials and stuff. shitzo. too busy with pageant/DnD prep )): argh its robbing away all my time. sucks. i just hope the pageant babies can haf fun n do well on the actual day itself ((: the photoshoot is done. two more weeks to go! oh man, the walks and the clothes fittings. ARGH.

our official hall 6 DnD webbie is http://hall6.ntu.edu.sg/dnd/

we're on funkygrad.com and whosgoing.com too.
http://www.funkygrad.com/events/displayevent.php?event_id=1294
http://www.whosgoing.sg/viewevent.php?id=2962

go view it ppl :D

after the photoshoot for the pageant babies, the DnD committee did some cam whoring. haha, it seemed like last yr for our pageant batch. so so nostalgic. HAHA. here's some corny snap shots. totally way off retarded madness.

main comm.

everyone.

madness.

pigeon 2007.

he'e the boss.

and stupid adeline yeong mun yan. got attached recently and i didn't even noe! so u're not gonna accompany me in singlehood animore )): HAHA. i miss u like sweet strawberries )): pls meet up soon my one n onli BESTIE!
ah bu la lang and ching ka tong.

i'll get thru' this time round.

sad.

2008-08-09T12:57:00.001+08:00
going mad. going bonkers. going mental.

eeew,school has started. i hate school. i feel as tho i'm experiencing mid-life crisis. I don't even think i shld be studying chem engin. wad am i doin here? wth.

i'm damn stressed over DnD. zomg. someone kill me now. sponsorship/clothes loaning is already a prob. damnit, there's no one to share the load of the burden. everything's pretty disorganised. I'm already working my arse off for this DnD. I'm worried that this DnD makes me frown more and adds more wrinkles to my face )): i dun wanna age more!! shall i go buy some anti-aging cream now? hmmm, loreal or bioskin?
everyone's damn stressed too. some are working their arse off too, but i guess it's all pretty last minute. sigh. yeah, i feel stupid for being so worried. why not? cauz i'm accountable for every single pageant contestant. i dun wan them to think our DnD is shit stuff. God, pls make everything go well. I dun wan animore sleepless nites and nitemares over DnD )): someone pls make me smile ((:

i am so tired. i need a break. a "forever" break would be good too...

last nite at coffee club n sweet desserts n yiling,xiu,rach n swee.
its just so scary that the people close to you are not what they seem to be. worse, you're one of the last one to find out. the world is that bad. while you're gossiping or talking bout someone, you neva noe, some others may be talking bout you. then you think to yourself, what are your flaws that allow people to gossip bout' you? But actually, welcome to the real world, that's just how it works. maybe i'm still in my own bubble, living in my own world to realise how horrible everything around me can be. it's good in a way as i don't reali get to see the ugly side of most people. but it makes me seem stupid n ignorant to everything. does that mean i have to stop giving every single person the benefit of doubt? or are my flaws too transparent in my sight? argh, afta the circle of trust talk last nite, i vowed to continue living in my own lil bubble. yes, truly, ignorance is bliss.

i gtg meet yiling soon, maybe. Grandpa's dinner cele later. YAY. oh, hall camp last week was alright. hmmm, some hiccups here and there. it was my all time low for the entire hols, hence, it was bad for me. lack of sleep. i'm stil sick. fever for one week. recovering from flu now. everyone pls take care too.
HAPPY BEEEEDAY SINGAAAPOREEEEE!

i'm gone ((:

when you gave it your all...what did you get in return?

it's been a long time.

2008-07-26T10:37:00.002+08:00
it's been a long time.

i'm back from BANGKOK/PATTAYA, Hall 6 senior's camp and NYS camp ((: i feel so damn packed with activities till i can't breathe. i feel alienated from civilisation. ARGH!

aniwae, bangkok/pattaya was great. an eye-opener since i haven't been to both places b4 and i gotta stay in daryl's thai fren's place, Nut and Chu Kiat ((: such warm hospitality :D thank you daryl lao ba. it was reali a new/wonderful experience to be able to leave the bustling city of s'pore to retreat into a slower paced bangkok, esp pattaya. it was so relaxing... but deep inside me, sth else was tormenting me slowly during my stay in bangkok. it was a torture thinking bout it everyday. thinking whether i will be a burden, excess baggage. feeling pai sei most of the time, cauz i'm kinda a crazy shopper, tho damn indecisive. the worse is to be compared to someone else thru out the entire trip. bad-mouthed to your frens whom just gotta noe me, dat feeling reali hurt, i felt like shit u noe. i wasn't asleep yet reali, i cld hear everything. to noe dat maybe it wld haf been beta for you if i din TAG along. sorry if i spoilt ur trip, i tried my best alr. but dat nite hurt the most, sth dat can't be erased from my memory bank, it made me miss s'pore so much. like you said, if u knew i tot bout it dis way, u wldn't haf asked me along...

i'll let the peeeektures do the tokin' ((:

day one.

day two.

day three.

day four.

day five.

day six.

day seven.

day eight.

thailand's reali beautiful ((:

19th-20th july was hall 6 senior's camp. was gd too.

more updates on my NYS camp with my OG HEBE. they were such fab freshies, totally. i wasn't suppose to be a GL for NYS camp cauz i tot i wld b bee zee with lab work plus i was pretty hesitant. wad if my freshies were a bunch of nerds, the stereotypical thinking of scholars. but i'm so glad chee yang convinced me to b his co-GL. dey totally proved me wrong. they r crazy. ((: thank u HEBE for such a great time tho its just a short 3 days. i wun eva regret bein ur GL cauz ur just made me smile the entire 3 days of camp. ching <3 HEBE deep dip ((:

HEBE <3

hall 6 camp the whole of entire nt week. pre camp bbq 2mr! packed with so mani activities! argh, tired.
i'm gone.

you've changed. then will all my frens ard me change someday? or is it just me...

nueve.

2008-07-12T07:17:00.001+08:00
nueve.

i'm back from SCBE faculty camp! after a week ago. camp was last week! and i'm down with a fever n flu now )): sigh, post camp fever. sickness )): HAHA. oh wells. felt reali horrid e past two nites, weak and aching all over. but feeling a lil beta now ((: oh wells. camp was a blast.. i <3 my OG KANZA. there were the ups and downs. apart of me was reali happy to see my freshies having fun and self-entertaining themselves with retarded silly games. but apart of me felt super displaced. somehow i wish i could make things right, for the better...

aniwae, my dearest kanza, tho we didn't get 1st, i'm sure we had cheap thrill fun with our mad games. mao lai le, MEOW! inside joke.

wadeva it is, i hearts u kanza <3

so i'm blogging now, after a crazy sleepless nite. kanza BBQ, drinking session, card games, free-of-charge karaoke in the CBE LT. zomg. i dunno how am i gonna survive the rest of the dae. I'M FLYING OFF TO BANGKOK TODAY BY SWISSAIR! 12TH-19TH JULY. i'll be back ((: dun miss me. i'm tired now, i'm gone.

i'll spend my life with you, if long term was meant to be.

porposal's gone.

2008-06-29T14:41:00.002+08:00
proposal's gone. all gone.

F it. i am DAMN pissed off. i spent the whole damn morning doing up the sponsorship proposal for pageant intending to send it to Daniel Yam asap since i have camp 2mr...its all gone. i saved the file, definitely. but i dunno wads wrong with dis koo koo com. i'm pretty lost for words. from morning till now. i got no time. omg, dis is so gonna affect my camp mood. i wonder why am i frettin' over DnD so badly. will anyone pls help me to find clothes sponsors? like pretty impossible to find them all by myself rite? argh. asshole.

i'm gone.

fuming inside.

2008-06-29T00:27:00.002+08:00
fuming inside.

meet up with the gang last friday was great. we got tix into zouk for freakin 15min n left for wen hu's place to chill. but it wasn't great cauz i freakin made a mistake by drinking port n vodka one afta the other. mixing is a no-no. so in the end we din manage to head baq to zouk. gosh, i'm sucha burden. it was reali freaky waking up in the morn on a bed. thank God it was Cheak who was beside me. Dawn, my apologies for showing my unhappiness cauz u din call us the entire day n we alr decided to head ta clarke quay to chill. yes, n thousand apologies for imposing at your wen hu's place. i'm sorry, it was a fugly sight. but i noe i was free entertainment for ur. lol. "dun bluff me, i noe its not chewing gum." "i can walk in a straight line!"

thank you dawn, cheak, ting yan, roy and wen hu ((: glenn n ruo ning, if onli u were there.

luo han fish's lips.

PIG me stealing food from ruo ning as usual.

the gang ((: ruoning n glenn missing )):

DAWNIE pang sai <3 <3 <3

chillin' at wen hu's place.

Air supply concert last sat was AWESOME. its my 1st like "real" concert i gotta attend. i mean, i attended lotsa concerts b4, but not like those concerts for fans n stuff. cheak was covering the concert event for his internship so he signed me in as his photographer. cool shit dope shit. WHOO. i was like 1-2 metres away from the stage for the 1st three songs. HAHA. the crowd was an older crowd with some youngsters ard. Air Supply dated baq since the 1970s so yeah. but the crowd kinda went crazy towards the end, rushing to the front. pitch perfect vocals, singing sounding like the CD, totally mesmerizing, totally angelic. i was serenaded, my heart was fluttering. i'm all out of love, i'm so lost without you....awesome. ((:

pretty retarded. 25th june was officially named the letter "C" day by paul, shir and me. here goes. Ching and paul Cheong were deciding where to eat at PS. it was Crystal jade, Carl's junior or Cafe Cartel. shir decided to eat at Cafe Cartel. we ordered Creamy macaroni, grilled Chicken, st. louis pork ribs, Cheddar fries, the Combo add-on that Came with Cold ice peach tea, free flow Crispy toasted bread, oreo Cheesecake and Creamy mushroom soup. so many things started with the letter "C"!! how amazing & Coincidental! ((: i was reali amused by it, we just kept laughing at every word starting with "C" relating to that day. it was a harrrpie sinful dinnner.

happy belated b'dae jin han! mambs on wed was totally hilarious with the totally woozie jin han. "where's your mole?!?" so sloshed till he shouted I WANT S**. lol ,with who HUH. zomg, super entertaining. another hall six nite. hearts ((:
it din reali end well for me. horrendous. i seriously don't understand how can ppl leave their frens alone and go off with someone else, leavin' others to clean up the mess for ur. the definition of friendship is wharped. its used frivolously. makes me think hard, whether i treat my frens dat way. haf i been horrid too? i'm seriously angry with myself for gettin angry over trivial matters which ain't totally related to me. i place myself in the situation n start to fume. ARGH. brother paul-a-laul, thanks for listening to my irritating rantings. i'm sucha draggg. rah.

i will be off for SCBE faculty camp from 30 june - 4 july. mon-fri! NUEVE! i hope it'l be alright. i hope i wun b a disappointment as an OGL. HAHA. miss me everyone ((: the eva busy bee is gone (for camp!).

bestie. less than minus three you.

all hail almighty ah bu!

we loook kinda norrrmal now.

all bow to queen ching.

normal human being at last.

kickstart my heart will you?

in need of an emotions control machine.

2008-06-18T11:17:00.003+08:00
in need of an emotions control machine.

YES. astro exam is over. now i can concentrate on my research n meet up with my frens ((: but i tink i will still be as bee zee as eva. i gotta get sponsers for hall pageant/DnD, come up with the program/segments. ARGH. its endless. its not lika holiday. i can't wait for FOC n my trip to bangkok.i seriously nd a break.

sat- mini DnD meeting with racheal n eng kuang. den met clara for lunch den met andre with dinner. haha, we had dinner at popeye's chicken at the s'pore flyer! <3 popeye's, beats KFC hands down. but the queue was DARN long. average waiting time is like 20min? crazzzy. s'poreans are crazy over the s'pore flyer. is it like some crazy frenzy or wad? the queue was snaking. the rotational velocity of the ferris wheel is lika snail, is it dat fun? but it was a pretty sight. like gigantic RING. i wish to haf dinner inside one of their capsules, one day perhaps, haha. we chilled at pacific coffee. sipping good coffee ice blended rocky road while sitting on comfy sofas..sleeepy. dats why i hearts weekends.

attended service at international baptist church on sunday. kinda not attending paya lebar for now. oh wells.. met titus for lunch and we watchedKUNGFU PANDA at PS. i hope i will neva become the dragon warrior cauz i dun wanna b a big fat rolly polly like PO, the panda )): had botak jone's for dinner with my family. 3 fastfood/western meals in 2 days. i'm on my route to obesity! RAH.

haf been deep in thought lately. tinking over wad has happened. jumbled up tots n emotions. i'm pretty unhappy with many things. it seems as tho there's no beginning and end to it. sometimes when u feel as tho u could rant at someone, actually, u realise that person doesn't fully understand you at all when u tot they did. but reali, who does aniwae? i feel like some emotional wreck now. the slightest comments affect me like a piercing dagger. n dis frustrates the ppl ard me. omg, when will i eva learn my lesson? my jie meis experienced it. victimised.
yes yes, everything's a facade.

dawnie's back from aussie!!! yes, the gang is meeting up dis friday. more hot pang sai lovin' ((: ((: i hope gen comes baq soon. she's been long gone in the UK )): i wonder if yw is baq too. he shld haf finished his exams by now. ADE & SHIR, WE SERIOUSLY GOTTA MEET UP. NOWWW. jie meis, cor's b'dae up next, but i tot we were gonna karaoke?
i kinda finished watching the entire series of hana yori dango 1 & 2. and yes, go watch absolute boyfriend (Zettai Kareshi). starring: the lover robot below <3

Hayami Mokomichi. hot blooded male lead.whoo.
every drama you/I watch, will make you feel lika love fool. wad a stupid love fool...i can see my dark eye rings comin' out with more drama watchin'.

alright, i'm in lab now. gtg get myself busy so dat i dun lk like i'm slackin' away. heh. i'm gone ((: <3

i found dis song afta soooo long. watched the drama "romance of red dust (風塵三俠之紅拂女)" in my JC days, starring shu qi and wallace huo. i noe my cheena seriously sucks. oh but at least there's english subtitles for me to read right? i neva knew angela zhang had such great vocals then. ubber nice song. but i tink i nd some hanyu pin yin n translation.

真的- 张韶涵

我努力的仰着脸孔,
试者让眼泪不下流,别往下流.
不问他感觉到什么
在我生活中不在伤痛,不伤痛.
想要说,却还沉默.
伸出手,无法触碰.
天空突然一片辽阔,
原来你是真的离开我.
在我不熟悉的世界,过新的生活.
闭上眼让泪水滑落.
此刻你已真的永远离开我
在另外一个没有我的世界自由的走

i rather you just sae it in my face and sound like an asshole.
yes, i dun haf the damn courage to face it or be truthful to myself. its either DO or DIE. seems like i hafta settle with the latter. and history will repeat itself.

forever.

2008-06-08T22:39:00.002+08:00
waiting for that second chance.

alright, my new blog layout of cute lil bimbotic sheeps was really CUTE. but, i dunno wad happened to the pics )): their gone. photobucket succckkss. so i'm baq to the old one, till i find a new one which i like!

aniwae, astro exam is dis wed. argh, i did damn damn badly for the 30% quiz. argh, it doesn't help dat my results came out on the same day. it just MADE my day. when i saw my result past midnite on 5th june, i was in a state of shock. i din expect those grades seriously. i did improve as compared to last sem, but still way below prof law's and my expectations. sigh. i felt so demoralised, upset and wadeva neva in my life haf a eva felt so depressed over my results. i know its no use crying over spilt milk, but i just cldn't control myself. i've seriously had enuff. enuff of activities dat make my grades like pang sai. enuff of such mediocre grades, enuff of feeling stupid, enuff of feeling demoralised, enuff of feeling like giving up. enuff of this SHIT. why can't i just freakin' get it RIGHT. it seems as tho' its a sign, telling me i'm just not cut up for uni. zomg. but i can't just quit on myself. shld i just thank God dat i stil maintained the grades to stay on scholarship or shld i just cry my eyes out cauz i'm act at the bottom of my cohord and cn yang batch. freak it seriously.

aniwae, i did sth stupid last wk. i was in hall n was gonna collect sth from paul. i wore the wrong pair of slippers. one side was white roxy the other side was black ripples. brrrr. and i onli realised while walking down. thank God i wasn't goin to canteen or sth. wad a cock. alright, it wasn't dat stupid or funny was it? yeah, it wasn't.
my "silly-ly",i tink i'm a lab hazard. i keep spilling solvents n chemicals all over. major n minor spillage. i've broken so mani glassware too. i'm just not cut up to work in the lab)): klutz. my PHD student even made a comment jokingly that he will carry out the experiments by himself next time. i tink soon or later, i may spoil some of the expensive equipment in prof zaher's lab. i got jinxed lab hands.

look! my dearest timmy turban teletubby is on urban. mr urban turban. haha. tim, i bet u wanted to sae u'll give urself ten outa ten for good-looking factor ritey. no la, i'll give you 11 outa 10 k. now lotsa gals will flock to timmy. onli gals with hot legs n perky ass apply. (tim's standard) HAHA.

i've been having weird dreams lately. reali weird. sigh. i dreamt of all the ppl close to me and those who i have been in contact with lately. gd/bad omen. hmmm... i can't wait for wed to be over. i miss u ade-ah-bu-la-lang! mambs with hall ppl dis wed. meeting andre on thur. meeting clara on sat. ade i meet u dis sunday? ((: i shall take my leave. i'm gone ((:

i dreamt that you have fallen for.... i guess 2nd chances are just crap shit.

facing up to reality.

2008-05-26T12:00:00.002+08:00
facing up to reality.

saturday-took bus no. 74 back from ade's place and my bus fare cost 74 cents!!! amazing! how often does ur bus fare cost the same as ur bus number?! i was kinda in shock when i "teee" my ez-link card. haha! 7474, go buy 4D! :D

jap crazy.
a short post since i haf astro test 2mr, which i haven't done much since i've been hooked to jap dramas! all the jap dramas are adapted from jap mangas. Regatta, Absolute Boyfriend, Hana Kimi season 2 are my eye candy for now. ((: ((: go watch yeah? they're all reali nice, hani kimi makes me cry the most. the jap version is beta than the taiwanese version, tho season2 is not yet uploaded online. the jap boys r definitely cuter and whoo, hawwwt. i'm also hooked onto the hokkaido bun from breadtalk. hokkaido is the name of a city in japan rite? omg, why am i wasting so much time on all these dramas and hokkaido when i got test 2mr???

june's coming. i can't wait. all my frens in aussie n UK r coming back! dawnie, gen & yw ((: i'll update in abit. i miss goh yiling in shanghai!

i'm gone.

i love receiving e-mails ((:

life like a piece of snapping string.

2008-05-18T11:36:00.001+08:00
life as fragile as a thin thread.

my bad, i skipped church again dis week. excuses are for losers.
i'm gonna visit my aunt later in hospital. she's been diagnosed with breast cancer since 1-2 years ago but did not seek medical treatment. the last time i visited her was one year ago. she looked so weak, not even having the energy to open her door to invite us in. she was strong in her faith but faltered along the way. mom always accompanied her to church for healing service, but as weeks passed, her faith in Him dwindled. i guess she trusted more in the doctors. but its too late, delayed treatment has caused the cancer cells to spread to the entire body. this is my 2nd closest kin who is dying of cancer. grandma passed away due to a whole lots of cancer when i was sec 1/2. the doctor has given my aunt 1+ more week to live. my only wish for her is that she can leave this world w/o pain and go to heaven.
i can't imagine myself losing someone so dear to me. i'm not a least bit close to my aunt cauz i have neva met up with her, but wad if one day, my parents or grandparents start to leave me one by one? grandma is in st. luke's hospital for rehab and will be back on tuesday. the doctor found a fracture in her left leg which had gone unnoticed for many years. sometimes looking at how my grandma suffers cauz of her alzheimer disease, you just wish God will take her away to end all her suffering, cauz it pains the ppl around her, seeing her in that senile state of mind. she can't reali walk, can't eat by herself, is thin to the bones, can't think properly. i rather not be at home to witness all these.

home is like hell with u around.

aniwae, i went over to ade's place ytd. bestie love. and of cauz, shir beloved, Mc's with me in the day. sherilyn, sarahrah, jessica, eugene, tim grasshead, marcus and kynneth were there too. we watched stardust! like totally retarded and gooody at the same time ((: i love.

to my bestie: ade, thanks for listening to me dat night. haha, i just tot i wld want you noe wadeva's happening in my life tho we're in different schs now. like its gd u noe who my frens r n i noe who ur frens r. its hard since we dun meet often. but its just sth i wld always smile about when i tink of how mani years we've known each other and how much we've been thru. like how u went 4 nich's b'dae so u cld spend time with me tho u neva eva toked to him ((: dis very lil things.. when some of our mutual frens ask me "so how's you n ade, still alright?" i will just break into a smile cauz i noe wadeva it is, no matter how lil we tok, everything's fine in a way or two. thank you ah-bu-la-lang. HAHA.

AT ADE'S PLACE.

sarahrah! shirlene-neeee! ching-a-ling!

haha, shir n me always in the pic. ade's face is cut offff. where's rah jess n sherilyn?

GRACE'S 20 on tuesday.NO MORE TEENAGER.

jie meis.

since fairfield methodist.

there's 05S17 class gathering at Mr Ling's house later ((: steamboat! i miss my jc classmates. n we hearts mr ling romantic house. i wonder how long can these gathering last. if only, if only they could be forever ((:

i'm gone.

soft spots for people which pulls us in deeper n deeper..

bite the dust.

2008-05-16T00:17:00.001+08:00
bite the dust.

I have been having very lil sleep dis few daes, even tho its the hols.. well, special sem has started, astronomy...brrr. research attachment too. )): work in the lab freakin everyday 9am-5pm plus astro lec. panda eyes!

but dis few daes haf been great too. last wed's mambs with the hall 6 ppl was madness,crazy crazy. ard twenty of us, lol. ((: hearts totally.

hotty sofi, timmy tummy turban head, me, my sweets goh yiling.

my dearest yiling, we set off from our homes for the airport last sat, to send u off to pang sai shanghai, where u will b doin ur internship 4 2 months. i dunno how am i gonna survive w/o u this two months. sigh, i practically see u almost everyday in hall, it'll b weird w/o u ard. haha. u take care my dear gal. farewell for the moment.

our dearest ms goh.

we so love terminal THREE.

my observation tower.

pretty pretty.

timmy the eskimo kiddo.

tuesday b'dae cele for grace was yummm ((:

corlissa looks sad )): is it just me? haha

cheryl n grace!

aniwae, reali sorry for last nite ppl. it was suppose to be pageant ppl reunion plus tim & kevin. i kinda spoilt ur mambs nite with my emo shit, i reali hope i din. i'm always sucha disappointment. sucha drag. reali sorry. lao ba n xiu-zeee, thanks a lot. thanks 4 ur assurance n well, dat shoulder that i neeeded to lean upon. xiu-zeee, u shld shoot me cauz i'm such an embarrassment. lao ba, kill me for crying over the silliest stuff which makes me feel damn stupid and ridiculous. i'm such a horrid fren. argh. i'm sorry.
alright i stil got research 2mr, sad ching in the lab )): i shall turn in soon. i'm gone.

all over again.

guilty as charged

2008-05-06T12:24:00.002+08:00
guilty as charged

YAY. exams r ovveerrrr ((:

timbre pizza. yummilicious parma ham

ang moh with his smooth operator milko heineken.

smooth operator singing on stage! zomg.

its been a long time since we had sth like this <3

EXAMS OVER, officially, last monday. over over over over. but my busy busy schedule just doesn't end here. sigh, i start special sem dis week (TODAY). Astronomy elective are from tues-thur 1.30-4.30pm )): then i'm gonna start my summer research attachment with prof zaher. so i'll be in the lab everyday. but with 8bucks per hour, its not dat bad, right?? hmmmm.. den i'll be even busier than sch days! ogays bogays. gdness, and i tot i was having HOLIDAYS. there goes my bangkok trip with daryl n his fren n my plans to shop shop shop till i drop drop drop. hopefully i can cash in on the chhhh- chhhh-ching with my lab work. EIGHT bucks per hour YAY! not a lot, but sufficient ((: ((:

aniwae, i just attended my 1st astro lecture just now. hmmm, e lecturer was ranting on bout the BIG BANG and how earth was created from the explosion of STARS and stuff which is pretty much against our christian belief. i mean, we learn from the bible that all beautiful things on earth were created by God aight? so i was made from the big bang? why did man falter? were we reali made to sin?
i guess if i was Eve, I would haf eaten the apple cauz i'm always hungry! and i bet adam was hungry too :D they onli ate plants then and there, bet their tummies wun be filled )): poor them, no chocolates and dim sum. no wonder i
m a dim sum dolly now. I bet Eve and Adam had a FAB bod. HAHA. oh yeah, the cunning satanic snake must have been hungry too, but snakes dun eat apples rite? Maybe Eve cared too much for her husband and was afraid Adam will go hungry so she wanted him to eat the apple. Or mayb it was God's plan for us to sin so that he could test our faith and loyalty, like how he tested adam & eve. Whatever it is, trust is the word. Don't doubt eva God.

Aniwae, i reali feel lika criminal now. my mind's all messed up. 3 AU lab report due on wed/thur and prof william says i gotta re-write the whole thing. sigh, i reali spend lotsa time on the report. mayb its reali my fault.. and i obviously nd to lose weight. i look lika rolling ball now. see me rollllll.

i'm gone, "report rushing" )):

they see me rollin'.

losing steam.

2008-04-24T01:29:00.000+08:00
losing steam.

I haf a physics paper in less than 12 hours time. there are 27 chapters to mugg. but i'm onli at chap 12. i haven't read thru my tutorials and any past yr papers. someone pls tell me i'm so dead. mayb i shldn't haf went home on tues. but i was missing home )): ARGH. i haf absolutely NO motivation 2 mugg now since almost everyone ard me is done with their papers. yiling, timmy, tits and xiu are at mambo now, the biz ppl finish their last paper in the morn. ME? freakin' nt monday, 28th april. sadness is a tragedy.

aniwae, haf been tinking so much lately, its kinda disrupting my mugging, not like as tho those sleepy spells are of any help.. hmmmm, u noe wad? I still tink of u.

hooked onto dis old song.

Twenty seconds on the back time
I feel you on the run
Never lived too long to make right
I see you're doing fine

And when I get that feeling
I can no longer slide
I can no longer run, I don't know
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer hide for
it's no longer fun, I don't know.

Well, you can say what you want
But it won't change my mind
I'll feel the same about you
And you can tell me your reasons
But it won't change my feelings
I'll feel the same about you

What I am is what you want of me
Now that I'm not there
Took the tables away from you
It's turned and I don't care

And when I get that feeling
I can no longer slide
I can no longer run, I don't know
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer hide
for it's no longer fun, I don't know.

Yeah, you can say what you want
But it won't change my mind
I'll feel the same about you
And you can tell me your reasons
But it won't change my feelings
I'll feel the same about you (X 2)

I've said good night try to sleep tight
Oh, just dream of me
Go close your eyes cause I've closed mine
The sun will shine from time to time
oh, when you dream of me

or was it the metal munching monster dreaming of u? sigh.

EXAMS.

2008-04-15T01:13:00.000+08:00
we so LOVE exams )):

My exams officially start today. YIPPEE. YA RIGHT. YAY to the final last exam day. My exams freaking end on the 28th April. damn late. yiling n the CS ppl end on 17th or 18th. dats like in 3days time?! SHIT to to the papers )): sigh. My 1st paper is in a few hours? at 5pm. yeah. I am super unproductive everyday. I can prepare to die of a very horrible death. I need to focus. it seems too late tho. I'll be on hiatus, will update like mad when i'm back ((: Focus everyone, dun be like chingching )): take care of ur health my dear frens. mind over stress! and my exam paper i'm sitting for later is "mind over stress". how IRONIC.

I'm gone.

u were gone n suddenly reappeared. back off for the moment? thanks.

die!

2008-03-30T10:32:00.001+08:00
my heart is not there.

i seriously can't focus on mugging. ARGH. i just wasted away my whole aft napping and staring into space. I cld onli get down to some work in the nite.

there's still
1. CNYPR report & presentation
2. 15-20 Pg Physics Term Paper
3. HW110 Speech
4. Org Chem test dis friday
5. Physics test dis monday

how now brown cow? the exams r in two wks, and all the saddistic profs hafta purposely push all the report/project deadlines near to the exams. hence, no time to mugg 4 exams. its just so darn anal. argh.

aniwae, tuesday's hall 6 anniversary celebration at nanyang executive house was a lil draggy but well, with a comical host like alvin yeo, HAA, funny. sat with the road relay ppl and almost everyone from our table reserved certs, whether merit awards of half colour of wadeva. ah boon had a whole array of certificates.
with all the certs, i tink he can graduate from hall 6 with 1st class honours!! HAHA. i got the certificate of merit for sports ((: cert of appreciation for cheerleading (<3 my cheerleaders). well, then we had a big big choc hall 6 b'day cake... sometimes, u'll just feel as tho u spend too much time on all the hall activities, hall 6 has ENDLESS amt of activities, but ah wells.. argh, yeah. GPA chui. lol. <3 hall six ((:
i shall go watch tee-vee now, lin xin ru as the blind gal in Sound of Colours. niceeee.

aniwae, watch dis, a spoooof by Benny a.k.a BEN-NI a.k.a HELMET.

farniiiie.but well, now dat there's no trip sharing, the prof may just go back on their words. pang sai )):

AH ha, i tink i will make a damn cool PROF with hairy BIG nose. ah ha.

last sem: ellyne putting on my roomie's oh so disgusting fako nose.

good morning professor ching.

i'm gone.

why do things always not go our way?

he did not forsake me.

2008-03-22T19:34:00.001+08:00
not forsaken.

HOME SWEET HOME ((: thursday and friday nite in hall was horrid. hall was empty and so quiet. everyone went home. me alone and my room. utterly depressing. oh i mean, me alone and my roomie. thank God phyllis was ard on thur & fri nite ((:, i was alr tearing when i saw her. i tink i wld haf cried myself to slp on both nites if not 4 her presence in the room. thank you roomie! ((: sigh, i missed church service on good friday. it was a BAD FRIDAY. math mid term test today (saturday). which prof is so saddistic as to put a mid term test rite afta GOOD FRIDAY?!? )): but math mid term was fine. but i noe dat the end yr exams wld b much more difficult. sigh, more test to come. org chem test, phys test, HW110 reflective paper, physics term paper, chem research report & presentation. my body is slowly dwingling away. how long can i sustain this shit?
exams in THREE WEEKS. bleah. ARGH!

God works miracles in our lives. I know HE will ((: . have faith.

suddenly kinda miss em.jie meis and I at my crib during the recess week. PIZZAAA.

tgt since fairfield.

easter sunday 2mr. i rmb when we were young, esp in kindergarten, we used to soak eggs inside those coloured water bowls, and we'll get, EASTER EGGS. oh freils, i wish i was young again. i tink i'm agin )): haha.

it says ZERO trans fat? guess who guess who?

its eenie-meanie PRINGLES and its happy to see you! :D oh and, its pizza flavoured!

and not to mention, reali HARRPIEEE to make u FAT. i ate the whole can in one sitting, afta my lunch, b4 my dinner. burps*

i'm gone.

sometimes i tink i'm alright. i tell them I am but when i ponder over it again, am I reali fine now? i tink i am. mayb its just sth i'll feel for in a while...

CHingDelivery!

2008-03-18T01:20:00.001+08:00
i'm fine now.

last sat's themodynamics test, GONER. like thermo-DIED. )): i tink i will fail or just get a pass. seriously... math mid term this saturday. no one ever said living was a good thing. argh... aniwae, i'm quite traumatised. i happily went home SWEET home after thermody test and hall 6 sports day, and younger sis greeted me with a "i tink u gained a lil weight at ur waist, u're fatter now." FATTER?!? argh, dats the last thing i wanna hear. sadness is a tragedy, and kids speak the truth, they say the darnest things. i could definitely see that my 11 year old sis wasn't lying. oh man, like i can even control my monstrous appetite. someone help me! haha.

aniwae, after my run around campus ytd nite, i saw what i normally see every night. the ah-bung Mcdonalds McDelivery man. I wonder why so many ppl like to order Mc's when we noe their food is reali shit stuff, low quality, the food portions r getting smaller too. but we all still <3 Mc's many many. I kinda like the BIG red McDelivery bag. i wish to own one soon ((: doncha tink its quite nice? I can use it as a school bag and put lotsa books and go MUGG at LWN library. HAHA, super big and spacious, maybe i can even kidnap cute lil toddlers like jonathan and hide em' inside. I can even carry FOUR water bottles in the 4 side pockets. OH, maybe I can even get free McDonald meals everyday since I'm helping them advertise!

Maybe i should bang on this McDelivery strategy and create my own ChingDelivery with a BIG "C" like the one BELOW. niceeee ((: den i will be a happy gal.

we heart McDelivery bags ((: gimme one ah-bung!

i'm so glad everything's alright. the silliest things make me happy.

spiralling down.

2008-03-11T21:43:00.001+08:00
spiralling down into a deep black hole.

i feel like giving up but i can't. i'm NOT doing what i like but i noe i can't switch course. how is mom & dad gonna cope if they hadta pay for my tuition fees? i got no choice but to stay on and buck up on my studies. is it a blessing or is it just so unfair to me that i'm the middle child? I feel the burden laying down on my shoulders. it only gets heavier each time i think it over and over again. i wonder whether they are even aware of what i'm going thru. i guess i don't wish to burden them and cause them to worry. They are already in their 50s. i really don't like whatever i'm doing now. but do i haf a choice?

one mid term paper every single week from now. 4 assigmment papers left to finish and i miss ade a lot. time machine anione?

recess week fever with my WOOZY KIDS (by ming xiu).

the people who make my uni life more worthwhile ((:

the only reason why i ponder and think and feel. who else?

not worth it.

2008-03-02T02:07:00.000+08:00
its not worth it.

The workload ahead of me:
1.HW110 Group Project 1000 words
2.HW110 Assignment Report
3.HP801 Assignment Report
4.PHYS1B Assignment Report 15 Pages
5.Liver Cancer Research Report plus PPT Presentation

Mid-Term Paper awaiting for me:
6th March- Org Chem Mid Term
15th March- Thermody Mid Term
22nd March- Math Mid Term

Plus all my back logg. Prof's at Chap 14 for math but i'm stil at chap 5. WOW. all the best to me. like reali all the BEST equal DEATH. argh. I wonder how am i gonna survive this sem. This recess week was SUPPOSE to be a catch up week for me. Well, super inefficient. late nites everyday. but still fun ((: haha, i still can't get enuff of fun.
been in a shopping frenzy. brrrr, wed mambo with hall six ppl was madness again. esp yiling, xiu, tits and tim ((: <3 mani mani. same scene, outside the carpark. i'm glad i was fine. brrrr. but i tink i'm just such a disappointment to my close frens whom were there, witnessing IT. totally uncalled for. wad on earth... that stupid stick. yeah, yiling always say, on a stick. hate me, reali.

emo kids are silly and dumb. just like me.

love today.

2008-02-18T19:48:00.001+08:00
love today.

stress is the word to describe how i feel now. hopeless, helpless and lost can be added on. i absolutely have no sense of direction now. this sem is worse than last sem, how bad can things get?

the best valentine's day EVA. nite time picnic cum belated b'dae surprise for yu qi at winchester road. some super ooooo-loooo private estate with an empty grass patch, infested with LOTSA ANTS, surrounded by sleepy hollow trees, with so few cars passing by, the mooonlight shining over us. whoo. gweat. i tink i make a great liar. lol, erm, for ONCE, cauz i totally can't lie. but yu qi totally didn't expect us to surprise him with a silly old school picnic thing. ((: all smiles all gweat. raymond was the driver. haa.

harr-ppieee beelatedd b'dae YUQI! ((:

the two brudders.

pizza time! burps*

our mega gigantic sandwiches. hmmm not so.

aiye aiye chef ching.

ooo, i haf reali a big mouth. all thanks to my super duper metal munchers. i.e. BRACES. i quite like those metal stuff on my teeth.

valentine goddess is here.

valentine goddess with her third eye monster.

eeew, yu qi:TOO cute to be true.

hearts many many ((:

keep bleeding love.

argh, there were so many ants, our bodies were ants infested, not to mention the food. neh, we were too sweet, honey sugar coated i guess. my back stil itches. irksss.

scream PICNIC.

raymond's heart.

yuqi's spiraalll.

my heart died today. lol, hello to lonely hearts club.

maybe this v'day is the happiest and saddest v'day. everyone ard is SO emo. maybe everyone needs to feel more loved.brrr, i wonder who invented v'day. must be a female called ms valentine who gave birth to the baby who loves to shoot cupid arrows. ah, i'm a sagittarian (cupid arrow sign). that makes me a good match-maker right? no wonder match-makers remain single their entire life. HAHA. old-maid!

thanks for coming to watch me cheerlead, tho you didn't come cauz of me, but thanks. its been a long time...

thank you for that wonderful period of time. i will never forget. sorry for the hurt i caused after it ended. study hard when you're there. journey mercies on ur way to aussie. farewell yang wei.

you will always be my boo.

sweet menace

2008-02-06T23:57:00.000+08:00
sweet menace.

HARRPIEEE CHEEENA NEW YEARR ((: <3

and HARRPIEEE B'DAE BRUDDER YU QI ((: more happy times to come for the three of us brudders. thanks 4 being there thru all my emo period. emo less brudder. u're 22 yrs old alr! :D lk forward to brudder v'dae dinner alright?!

ponn lesson spree. tues morn ponn math lec, math tutorial. wed, ponn math lec in the morn again, thur ponn thermody & org chem tutorial. i'm such a gonner. period. i am reali scared and worried now. someone please tell me how am i gonna finish all my tutorials. its already week FIVE )): this has neva been so bad. worse than eva. worse than last sem.

aniwae, other than my ponn tutoriual n lec spree, i've been having lotsa late nites )): supper too. gaining weight? i hope not. i'm down with flu! haha, bad weather n too much running. i tink i have too many social obligations. its so difficult for me to sae NO. i tink i gotta learn when to sae NO. if not, i can just meet my grave soon.

some random pics at hall six highlights. the idiots, tim, kevin and xiu ((: !

awwww, Charles looks SO cute with his china doll coconut pony tail. his new hairstyle just practically resembles one where u put a bowl over his head and anione can snip off his tresses. mushroom head i say. his hair is cool shit! i was rolling all over the floor, lol.

sunday, 3rd feb. SATAY man and me. my suft & run partner, SATIISH. his name is so cool, theres a double "I" in it and i call him the satay man. HAHA. sadly it rained ard 1+pm just b4 our event. so all the remaining surf & sweat events at tanjong beach were cancelled )): SAD. we cld be walking home with yummy ripcurl prizes. nvm, next year! i had a huge lunch and dinner. i tink satay man is pretty amused by me and my BIG BIG appetite. HAHA.

my roomie PHYLLIS and robot roomie ME. my roomie's the cutest roomie alive, i swear.

brudders((: hearts totally. me raymond and yuqi!
oh btw, raymond won the fastest eating donut contest. a dozen of donuts! so proud of him. eh he must haf won cauz of my endless cheering right infront of him. i deserve some credit man. HAHAHO. he was the most gentle, calm, compose and cleanest eater. the rest of the guys were wolfing down the donuts like hooligans. raymond was eating like a prince, with small lil donut pieces he tore lol, our DONUT KING. an extra title he adds onto his hall king title. haha.

retarded sucky looking ice kacang i shared with my brudders at Canteen A. succcks.

had reunion steamboat dinner with small uncle ytd nite. so i ponned math lec ytd and today. brrr. just came back from reunion dinner at tampines with grandpa.

wenta watch KUNGFU DUNK with yang wei b4 reunion dinner at grandpa's. so-so movie. but i totally love jay chou ((: the movie was pretty comical but nonsensical and unrealistic. HAA. ate damn a lot. i had breakie & lunch at home alr, still not enuff. bread from breadtalk, popcorn....

my small eyed monster ((:

the cute lil kungfu dunk water bottle we got from the popcorn combo! i like.

thanks for the goodies ((: ah ha, stupid daiso.

i shld go n bathe n slp now. oh,its 2am alr )): i dun wanna age. momsie saes all the late nites haf made me look older. i am sad. sadness is a tragedy. CNY dis year will be damn sian. i'm gone.

i was trying not to let it show.